


Going Home

by Immortalsane



Category: Original Work
Genre: Adopted Children, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Adoption, Anal Sex, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Breathplay, Child Abuse, Choking, Consensual Kink, Consensual Non-Consent, Consensual Underage Sex, Disability, Disabled Character, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Face Slapping, Foot Fetish, Gender Dysphoria, Hate Speech, Held Down, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Nudism, Oral Sex, Parent/Child Incest, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Pseudo-Incest, Rape/Non-con Elements, Risk Aware Consensual Kink, Rough Body Play, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sexual Tension, Sibling Incest, Strangulation, Stuttering, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 14:00:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17920169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Immortalsane/pseuds/Immortalsane
Summary: A young autistic transgirl has had a really, really rough life. When she gets a second chance, it's a long and twisty road to healing and happiness.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Don't scream at me, the stuttering is modeled off my own stuttering, right down to using a speech aid to communicate when it gets too bad.

I stared at my hands tiredly, just wanting this to be over. 

 

“Mikey, will you look at me?”

 

I felt a stab in my temple, one of my headaches coming on. I didn’t bother anymore to tell people that wasn’t my name. Taking a deep breath I forced myself to look at the woman’s nose. Eyes hurt too much, just another thing wrong with me.

 

“You’ve been very quiet. Do you not like me?”

 

My hands twitched as I itched to move in the bad ways, the ways that made me feel better but my foster parents said made me look like a retard. I shrugged, knowing there was no point. Once I opened my mouth she’d be running for the hills like everyone else. Actually, come to think of it…

 

“I-I-I-I d-d-do-do-don-don’t,” I closed my eyes, the effort of speaking too much to keep looking at her and struggled to force the rest of the sentence out, my head twisting to one side in the way that usually got me slapped, ticking in time to the stutter. “Ta-ta-ta-talk g-g-g-g-good.”

 

The woman went still. I blew out a breath and smiled at the table, then started to get up. The interview was over at last, I could go back to hiding in my room.

 

“Wait, where are you going?”

 

I blinked and glanced at her face for a second. Not that it did me any good, the emotions written all over it were too loud for me and I couldn’t hold the contact long enough to interpret them. 

 

“I-I-I-I-I-I,” I gritted my teeth and gave up on pretending I wasn’t broken, splaying my fingers and twisting my wrists so that the tension in my hands could help me focus. “N-N-N-N-N-No o-o-o-one wuh-wuh-wuh-wants t-t-t-t-to-to-to t-t-t-t-ta-ta-ta-talk t-t-t-to m-m-m-m-me af-af-after I t-t-talk.”

 

“I do, Mikey,” she said softly. “I can see talking is hard for you, though. Would you try something for me?”

 

I shrugged, alternating twisting my hands and drumming them against my thighs. I was going to be punished for blowing this interview so badly, might as well not have an episode into the bargain.

 

She did something quietly on her phone for a couple of minutes, then pushed it across the table. There was a keyboard on it and a place for the words. I blinked at it. She wanted me to write instead of talk?

 

“Now, you just type what you want to say, then tap,” she pointed at a play button, “here, ok?”

 

I frowned and picked it up. I tapped the keyboard a moment and then tentatively touched where she’d said.

 

“What does it do.”

 

I nearly dropped the phone as a pretty robot girl’s voice read what I’d written. My eyes were wide as I stared at it in shock. It would talk  _ for _ me?

 

“Sh...oops, I’ll just adjust the voice-”

 

I shook my head frantically, clutching the phone. The voice was perfect!

 

“You like the voice?”

 

I nodded rapidly. “It’s very pretty.”

 

She cocked her head. “I read some things about you, Mikey. Do you mind if we talk about them?”

 

I shrugged. “No, that’s ok, I guess.”

 

“How long have you talked like that?”

 

“Always.”

 

She nodded slowly. “And I understand this is your fifth foster care home?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Can you tell me why?”

 

I snorted with laughter. “I’m a retard.”

 

She jerked as if I’d slapped her. “Who told you that?”

 

“Everyone does. I do bad things, move wrong, can’t look at people, can’t go loud places, want wrong things. I’m a retard.”

 

She looked like she was trying to control her breathing. 

 

“I’m sorry, I’m not supposed to tell people that, but you don’t want me anyway and I’m tired of trying to pretend.”

 

She reached across to touch me and I let her. I liked being touched. It was nice. 

 

“Mikey, I…” she stopped.

 

I nodded, managing to look at her long enough to smile understandingly. “It’s ok, no-one wants a retard, I understand. Thank you for the phone thing, it was very nice to be able to talk without sounding stupid.”

 

I pushed the phone across the table and stood up, and this time when I left the interview room, she let me.

 

~~~~~

 

I curled up in my room, drumming my hands on my thighs. It was comforting, but not really what I wanted. But I’d get in trouble if I asked for what I wanted and I didn’t ever risk doing things during the day when my foster parents could walk in on me. 

 

Proving my wisdom, I heard the sound of the door unlocking. The foster family were smart to keep me locked in, my badness made me do things I shouldn’t.

 

“Mikey, you have an interview,” Mr. Parsons said, his voice sounding as surprised as I felt. Two in one week?

 

I focused on trying to be still and look normal as I got up and walked to the interview room. It wouldn’t do any good, but if I at least tried I might get dinner tonight.

 

I stepped into the interview room, and glanced up to try and see who I was talking to. I blinked and began twitching unconsciously at seeing the woman from earlier this week. Why was she back? No-one came back!

 

She pushed her phone across the table, the app that talked for me already open. 

 

“Hi, Mikey. How are you today?”

 

I grabbed the phone. “Are you a doctor.”

 

She blinked. “No, Mikey, I’m not. Why do you think I was a doctor?”

 

“Because you came back. Only doctors come back. You’re going to try and fix me.”

 

She shivered. “No, I’m not, Mikey. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

 

I jerked. “Stop it. I’m a retard, everything’s wrong with me.”

 

“No, Mikey, there’s not. Do you know what autism is?”

 

I nodded jerkily. “That’s the kind of retard I am.”

 

She gritted her teeth. “Mikey, please stop saying re...retard. Would you do that for me?”

 

I shrugged. “Ok.”

 

She blew out a breath. “Mikey...I would like to talk some more about the other things I read about you. Can we do that?”

 

“Ok.”

 

“I understand you’ve had some problems at other homes?”

 

I stared at the phone. “Yes.”

 

“What kinds of problems?”

 

“Problems because of the way I am.”

 

She nodded slowly. “Like what?”

 

I licked my lips. “I’m not supposed to talk about it.”

 

“Why not?”

 

My face twisted. “Because I’m sick and bad and wrong.”

 

She made a little noise and her hands were clenched tightly. They were shaking, I noticed. “Mikey, I don’t think you are. Can you tell me, please?”

 

I wiggled in my chair for a long moment. “You promise you’re not a doctor.”

 

“I promise, Mikey.”

 

I took a deep breath and set to typing. “I like it when people hurt me, I like doing dirty stuff, I like pretending to be a girl. I got sent away for doing those things, because I’m that word you don’t want me to say.”

 

I worried for a moment that her hands were going to hurt, they were turning white and red and shaking really badly now.

 

“I’m sorry, I know I’m disgusting, I shouldn’t have told you those things.”

 

She was breathing hard. “You’re not disgusting, Mi-sweetie. Can you tell me your real name, please?”

 

I jerked up to stare at her until my temples were throbbing and I had to look away. I shook my head hard and pushed the phone away.

 

“Honey, it’s ok. What’s your actual name?”

 

My hands twitched and I started ticking in place, my head and shoulders twitching. I took a shuddering breath and grabbed the phone. “My name Mikey.”

 

She shuddered. “Honey, you’re not going to get in trouble, I promise. What do you actually want to be called?”

 

I was twitching hard now. “It’s wrong.”

 

“It’s not, I promise you. It’s called being transgender. It means a little girl who happens to have a penis, or a boy with a vagina. There’s lots of girls and boys like that. It’s not wrong, I promise.”

 

I put my head down and covered it with my arms. She reached over and stroked my arms gently. I shuddered at the contact. After a moment I was able to sit up and type again. “You’re wrong. It’s bad.”

 

She swallowed. “Who told you that? The same people that called you a re...a re...that word?”

 

I shrugged and nodded. “I’m bad. Everyone knows it. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

 

She blew out a breath and looked away. “OK. OK, we’ll...can we talk about what you meant when you said you liked being hurt?”

 

I groaned. “Why.”

 

“I...I want to know more about you.”

 

“Why.”

 

She took a deep breath. “I think I want to adopt you, sweetie.”

 

I jerked and let out a little grunt. That was bad when I started making noises like that. “Liar.”

 

“Why would I lie about that?”

 

“No one wants me, no one should want me, I’m bad.”

 

“No, you’re not. And I want you.”

 

My eye was starting to hurt from twitching and I felt the stabbing pains in my head. I was going to need to hide in a closet after this until my head stopped hurting.

 

“I do bad things to boys. I’m disgusting. You don’t want me.”

 

She reached across the table and this time I shied away. “Sweetie, they told...they told me that you act out sexually. I knew that. I still want you.”

 

I let out another grunt and my head started hurting even worse. There was a halo around the phone screen and I knew this was going to be a bad one. I might not be able to come out of the closet til tomorrow.

 

“You’re lying. You want to fix me.”

 

“There is  _ nothing wrong with you _ ,” she snapped. I jerked back from the vehemence in her voice and she gasped. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

 

I swallowed. “Why are you saying that. I’ve told you. I’m bad. You know I’m bad.”

 

She ran her fingers through her hair and made a frustrated noise. “Sweetie, I…” she took a deep breath. “I have a son at home. He’s a little older than you. He likes some of the same stuff you do.”

 

I jerked back. “Why do you want me. You have a kid.”

 

She bit her lip. “Because I want another kid. I want a larger family. My son wants a brother or a sister. And I want it to be you.”

 

I screwed up my eyes. My head felt like knives were stabbing into my brain and I was twisting and jerking in place. I managed to open my eyes enough to squint at the phone. “No you don’t I hurt boys I do bad I bad go away find kid good kid not me.”

 

I shoved the phone across the table and ran for my room and the safety of my closet where light couldn’t get me. Distantly I heard the door lock and felt relief. They’d leave me alone until I could pretend to be normal again. 

 

~~~~~

 

I hid in my closet for the rest of the day and part of the next, until my head stopped hurting. Then I went to sleep, I couldn’t ever sleep when I had one of my headaches. No one bothered me until I knocked on my door to be let out to go to the bathroom and get something to eat. 

 

The rest of the week went by and I started to breathe a little easier when the lady didn’t come back. Another week and I was feeling even less paranoid. She was lying, she had to be. Everyone knew I was a retard. Everyone knew I was bad. That I was disgusting. She couldn’t mean it that she didn’t think those things, because they were true. 

 

“Mikey, you have an interview tomorrow,” Mr. Parson’s said quietly as I sat at the table eating dinner. 

 

I jerked hard, fumbling my fork, and my foster siblings giggled. “I-i-i-i-is i-i-i-i-i-i-”

 

“Goddamn it, boy,” he snapped. He grabbed a notepad off the fridge and a pen and set them in front of me. 

 

_ Is it her _

 

“Yes, it is. Crazy woman seems to really want you for some reason.”

 

_ I don’t want to see her again _

 

“Well you’re damn well going to. You’re not going to fuck up a chance to get adopted.”

 

I whimpered, starting to twitch.  _ I’ll try to be better just please make her go away _

 

Mr. Parsons opened his mouth, only to be beaten to it by one of my siblings, Joe. “For God’s sake, you can’t be  _ that  _ much of a retard. Who doesn’t want to get adopted?”

 

My face burned.  _ She’s crazy _

 

Mr. Parsons shrugged. “I know, she pretty much has to be since she keeps coming back for you. But you’re never going to land a normal one, Mikey. You’re doing the interview.”

 

I shuddered and nodded helplessly. 

 

The next day I dragged my feet into the interview room. I knew  _ she’d _ be there, waiting to lie to me some more about being a stupid retard. I was not expecting her to have a...stunningly beautiful boy with her. Maybe twelve, curly golden hair and eyes so blue I thought he might have stolen a piece of the summer sky. He had sunkissed skin, and his arms were like sculptures, his hands delicate and perfectly formed. 

 

I stared at him for a long minute, standing in the doorway. I almost turned and just walked away. The things I wanted him to do to me, the things I wanted to do to him...she had to know I wanted to hurt him, to do disgusting things. Why would she bring him, show him to me?

 

“Sweetie?” She said softly. 

 

I shuddered and jerked away from looking at him. I couldn’t hurt him. Not just by sitting there. I walked in and closed the door, sitting down across from them. 

 

She slid her phone across the table. “I’m sorry I haven’t been back, I...I thought you might need some time.”

 

I shrugged, staring at the table, not touching the phone.

 

She rubbed her hands together. “This is my son, Tyler. I thought maybe you’d like to meet him.”

 

What I wanted to do to him was disgusting, so I just shrugged again.

 

There was the sound of a chair scraping and I glanced up to see Tyler standing up. I stared at his lips, his perfect, chiseled, squared off lips, as he walked around the table to sit next to me. 

 

“Hi. Can I hug you?”

 

My breath hitched and I shook my head frantically. I did  _ not _ need this little god touching trash like me.

 

He blew out a breath. “Ok, it’s ok, I didn’t mean to freak you out. Can I ask why you’re scared right now?”

 

I was struggling to keep my breathing under control. I grabbed the phone, finally. They wouldn’t go away until I spelled it out. Mr. Parsons was going to be very angry at me, but I needed them to understand.

 

“I’m disgusting. I’m having bad thoughts about you.”

 

He took a deep breath, and his lips quirked. “Really. Tell me about them.”

 

I shook my head. “It’s disgusting I told you.”

 

He leaned toward me and I wanted to scream, or kiss him, or- I fought down the bad thoughts with effort.

 

“You know, I think you’re a very pretty girl.”

 

I jerked back and almost fell out of my chair, stumbling to my feet and backing into a corner. “N-n-n-n-n-no, d-d-d-do-don-don’t s-s-s-s-sa-sa-say th-th-th-that.”

 

He frowned and stood up, then walked over to stand in front of me, giving me space, but still close to me. “Are you not a girl?”

 

My hands twitched and twisted spastically. “I-I-I-I-I-I-I-” I gave up when I realized the words weren’t going to come and made a grabby gesture, then pointed at the phone. 

 

He must have understood because he picked it up and handed it to me, careful not to touch me. 

 

“It’s wrong, you shouldn’t encourage me, I shouldn’t be this way, it’s because I’m a retard.”

 

He jerked. “God, Mom said you called yourself that. You know you’re just autistic and probably trans, right?”

 

I laughed sharply. “Those are types of retard.”

 

He shuddered. “Damn, people have been  _ awful _ to you, huh?”

 

“No.”

 

“How do you figure, filling your head with awful junk like that?”

 

“It’s not junk it’s true everyone says it.”

 

He blew out a breath and squatted down to look up at my face. “Well, I’m saying differently. So is mom.”

 

“You’re lying.”

 

Tyler stared at me for a long second. “Why would we lie?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

He nodded slowly. “And the fact that you don’t know scares you.”

 

I nodded jerkily. 

 

Tyler crossed his arms over his chest. “Can I tell you something private?”

 

I shrugged.

 

“I  _ do  _ think you’re very pretty and I’d like to do naughty stuff with you.”

 

My eyes widened and I stared at his face for as long as I could, trying to find the lie. I couldn’t.

 

“Does that make me disgusting?” He asked softly. 

 

My hands twitched as I typed, forcing me to try a few times. “Why would you want to.”

 

He shook his head. “No, I want you to answer me, please. Does that make me disgusting?”

 

I swallowed and looked away. “No just me.”

 

He frowned. “Why does me thinking you’re pretty make you disgusting?”

 

“I make people feel bad things.”

 

Tyler stared at me for a long moment. “Did someone do things with you and then tell you it was your fault?”

 

“It is.”

 

Tyler stood up and walked around the table. I heard him whispering with his mom, though I couldn’t make it out. 

 

He walked back to stand in front of me. “I want you to come home with us and join our family. But no one will make you do anything you don’t want to. If you really, truly, don’t want to be my sister,” I twitched, “or my brother,” he hurriedly added, “then we’ll go away and leave you alone.”

 

I stared at the phone for a long time. They waited patiently as I fought a war inside my head. They knew what I was, or thought they knew. They’d heard me speak. They’d seen me spazzing and ticking. And they still wanted me. 

 

Part of me wanted to run screaming from the room. I was already hurting him, infecting him with my disgusting desires. I would break him eventually, make him do bad things. And then they’d send me back. 

 

But...but three interviews was two more than anyone had been able to stand me. Distantly, the tiny whisper of doubt was starting to sing to me. What if they were telling the truth? What if they genuinely didn’t mind that I was a broken, disgusting retard? I could...I could keep my hands to myself, maybe, somehow. I hadn’t hurt a boy here at this house yet. 

 

And I wouldn’t have to pretend to be normal anymore.

 

I stared at the phone and my fingers moved of their own accord. “OK.”

 

Tyler smiled gently. “You’ll come live with us?”

 

I nodded slightly. I knew I was going to regret this, I knew they were going to regret it, but...I had to try. 

 

He stepped forward slightly. “Can I hug you now?”

 

I swallowed and nodded again. He stepped forward the rest of the way and gently put his strong, gorgeous arms around me. I buried my face in his neck and inhaled reflexively, smelling sweet, sundrenched boy. 

 

I was fucked.

 

~~~~~

 

They came to pick me up a week later. My foster family had been slightly shocked that it was actually happening, and I’d been in a bit of a daze myself. I kept remembering the feeling of Tyler’s arms around me, the smell of his skin. I had to fight it, I knew. I had to keep from hurting him, somehow. I just wasn’t sure how I was going to manage it.

 

The woman, who I guessed I was supposed to call Mom now, hugged me gently when she picked me up, and I shivered. It was nice, but my mind started to twist to how soft she was. I managed to shove that away, and then Tyler hugged me and I felt that wrongness again. I felt horrible, but I hung onto him for a long few moments, breathing him in. I knew it was a bad idea, but it had been so long since a boy was willing to hug me that I couldn’t help it. 

 

Mom smiled at us as she loaded my little backpack into the car. I’d crammed it full of clothes, but I didn’t really have much, so it wasn’t that tightly packed. 

 

“So,” Mom said as she handed me her phone. “We have a few stops to make. But first, if you’re ok with it, what would you like us to call you?”

 

I stared at the phone and let out a sigh. “You know my name.”

 

Tyler slid into the back seat with me and put his arm around my shoulders, making me blush. “We know, yeah. But what do you  _ want _ to be called?”

 

I squirmed. They were really dedicated to this madness. “You should just call me Mikey.”

 

Tyler stroked my arm in a  _ very _ distracting way. “Ok, Mikey. But if you change your mind and want us to call you something else, that’s totally ok.”

 

I shuddered and nodded. 

 

“So what kinds of stuff do you like to do?”

 

My face reddened. There was no way I was answering that honestly. “Like what.”

 

Tyler smiled. “Well, I’m a gymnast. I like board games. I like to read. I like playing with Mom, and with my friends. I like camping and hiking and swimming. Stuff like that.”

 

I swallowed. Visions of him doing gymnastics curled through my mind and I shoved them away. “I like being locked in my room where I can’t hurt anyone.”

 

He shuddered. “Mikey, we’re not going to lock you in your room.”

 

I twitched sharply. Great, I was going to have to do this on willpower alone. “You really should, I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

Tyler rubbed my arm again and I bit back a whimper. “You’re not going to hurt me. I promise.”

 

I shrugged a little. I was going to try, but if he kept touching me like this and if I couldn’t be locked up safely, it was going to be an uphill fight. 

 

“What do you do like to do for fun?”

 

“Puzzles mostly. I like puzzles.”

 

He smiled. “Like jigsaw puzzles? Or like Rubik’s cubes and brain teasers?”

 

“All those things.”

 

Mom glanced in the mirror. “How did you fit that stuff in your backpack?”

 

“Oh I don’t have any, they all got taken away a couple family’s ago because I’m bad.”

 

Mom made a strange, strangled noise and her hands tightened on the steering wheel. 

 

Tyler stared at me. “So...what did you do when you were locked up in your room?”

 

I shrugged. “Let the bad movements out, mostly.”

 

“The bad movements?”

 

I blushed, and set the phone down and then started twisting and rolling my hands, arms, and shoulders. I closed my eyes as I did it, the feelings of comfort and ease coming as they always did. There was silence in the car as I did it, and after a moment, I forced myself to be still and right again. 

 

“Like that, or rocking in place or swaying.”

 

Tyler put his arm back around me. “That looked like it felt really good.”

 

“Yeah, but only retards do it so I’m not supposed to do it where normal people can see it.”

 

Tyler gritted his teeth. “Mikey, please stop using that word.”

 

I sighed. “Why.”

 

He shuddered, and it was Mom that answered. “Mikey, that’s a very ugly word for people who are different like you are.”

 

I blinked. “No it’s not.”

 

Tyler squeezed me gently. “Mikey, if I called someone at school a retard, I’d get punched. And I’d deserve it. It’s a very, very bad word.”

 

I looked at him sideways. “Not if it’s true.”

 

“ _ Especially _ if the person is actually different,” Mom said firmly.

 

I stared back and forth between them. “OK, I’ll stop, I guess.”

 

Tyler blew out a breath and hugged me sideways. “Thank you.”

 

I stared at the phone for a long moment. “What do you call it then.”

 

Mom looked at me in the mirror. “Well, the way you like to move is called stimming, and it’s something a lot of autistic people do.”

 

I shrugged. “OK.”

 

We pulled into a parking lot and stopped. Mom got out of the car, followed by Tyler, and after a second I followed suit. They started towards a phone store as I frowned, trying to figure out why we were here. 

 

Mom led the way to a display. “What kind would you like?”

 

I stared at her nose for a long second. “What.”

 

Several people turned and looked at us for a second when the phone’s voice sounded out. “You need a phone, sweetie. At the very least so you can talk comfortably.”

 

I stared at her some more. “But I haven’t done anything.”

 

She blinked and frowned. “It’s...not a punishment?”

 

I shook my head, trying to ignore the stares as I typed. “I mean, I haven’t done anything to be rewarded for.”

 

Mom took a steadying breath. “First of all, we’re shopping for stuff today that you need and want, to celebrate you coming to live with us. Second,” she pointed at the phone in my hands, “you need something that can run that app. I won’t always be with you, and I need my phone sometimes.”

 

I stared at the app quietly. “I-I-I-I-I-I c-c-c-c-ca-ca-ca-can d-d-d-d-do wi-wi-wi-wi-withou-ou-ou-ou-out i-i-i-it.”

 

The people who’d been staring at me surreptitiously for using the app to speak looked away, uncomfortable with hearing my retard voice, and I blushed. I rapidly tapped away. 

 

“Alright, no I can’t.”

 

I sighed and looked at the phones for a moment. There were a shit ton of options and they were stupidly expensive. After a moment, I looked around and found someone in a shirt with the store logo on it. I walked over to her and tapped her on the arm.

 

She turned and smiled at me. “How can I help you?”

 

I held up a finger in a “one moment” gesture and tapped away. 

 

“What’s the cheapest thing that can run this app.”

 

She blinked and looked down at the phone. “Uh, hmm. I’m not familiar with that one. Uh, let me take a quick look, ok?”

 

I nodded and followed her back over to the phones. She fiddled with a couple for a moment. “Can you close out of it so I can see the icon?”

 

I obeyed and held it up for her. My other hand started twisting as I tried to control the anxiety of not having my voice. She nodded and checked the demo phone in her hands. “Ok, it looks like this one will work.”

 

I blew out a sigh of relief and opened the app again. I looked at Mom and nodded. “That one I guess.” 

 

Tyler walked over and put his arm around my shoulder, making me blush. “Are you sure? There’s some really cool phones here.”

 

I shrugged spastically. “I don’t care if it’s cool as long as it lets me talk.”

 

He looked at me, then at Mom. I could see them having a conversation with their eyes, and then Mom nodded. “Ok, sweetie, if that’s the one you want, that's what we’ll get.” She looked at the sales lady with a smile. “We’ll take it.”

 

The woman nodded and disappeared into the back. 

 

Forty-five minutes later we walked out of the store with a new phone and a case. Mom smiled as she paused outside the store. “Clothes next, or are you hungry?”

 

I sighed. “I have clothes.”

 

“You have one backpack of clothes,” Mom said firmly. “You need more.”

 

I shrugged. “Ok, clothes I guess.”

 

We piled into the car and set off. Twenty minutes later we pulled into a parking lot and I started hyperventilating a little. We were at a mall. I hadn’t been to a mall since I was five. 

 

Tyler looked at me with concern. “Are you ok?”

 

I nodded sharply. “I’m fine.”

 

“Are you sure, you’re breathing a little hard?”

 

I hit the little play button again. “I’m fine.”

 

They got me out of the car and with every step towards the mall my feet grew heavier. I could do this. I had to. I didn’t want to go back so soon. 

 

Then the doors were in front of us and they were opening and a wall of sound rolled over me. 

 

I stared up at Mom with my ears ringing. I looked around in confusion as I realized I was somehow sitting on a bench twenty feet from the door. She was rubbing my back and talking to me and I watched her lips move for a second before my hearing kicked back in. 

 

“-eathe, baby, it’s ok, you can do it-”

 

I groaned and put my head in my hands. I’d had an episode. They were going to get rid of me for sure.

 

She blew out a sigh of relief. “Are you back?”

 

I nodded.

 

She put my phone in my hands. “I’m sorry, baby, I forgot what you said about loud places hurting you.”

 

I shrugged tiredly. “It’s fine.”

 

She took a deep breath. “Come on, let’s get you back to the car.”

 

I nodded jerkily and walked back holding her hand. On the bright side, I wasn’t going to get a chance to hurt Tyler. On the downside I was probably going to spend a couple days locked in my room, if...I swallowed and tried to keep my breathing steady. If the Parsons would even take me back.

 

I climbed into the car and Tyler pressed up against me. Since I was going back anyway, I indulged my wrongness a little and snuggled into his chest, trying to memorize his scent. I closed my eyes and tried not to cry on his shirt.

 

Ten minutes later I felt the car stop and opened my eyes. We were in another parking lot and my heart constricted. I’d been left on the side of the road the first time, and I hated it. I hadn’t thought I’d fucked up that badly, but…

 

I swallowed and got out of the car, stomach twisting, and went to stand by the trunk, hoping they’d give me my stuff back. I wouldn’t eat for days if the Parsons had to buy me new clothes. 

 

Mom got out of the car and I held out my shiny new phone, already missing it.

 

“What are you-” she stared at me confused. “Baby, why are you giving me your phone?”

 

I stared at her face for a long moment and then typed frantically. “You’re not sending me away.”

 

Mom gasped and knelt down, taking my arms. “God, no! You...oh,  _ Jesus _ , tell me you didn’t think we were going to abandon you in a parking lot.” She grabbed my chin and raised it, searching my eyes for a second before letting me look away. She sounded sick. “Oh holy God, you did think...you…”

 

I sagged slightly, stomach twisting harder. I squeaked when she pulled me into a crushing hug. She was shaking hard and a moment later I felt Tyler behind me, hugging me too. 

 

“I am  _ never _ going to give you up,” she whispered fiercely. “You are my child now. My baby. You are never going back to that horrible place.”

 

I swallowed and felt something rising up inside me. I felt my chest tighten as I stared at her, feeling her cling to me. It...this was real. I could hear it in her voice. She  _ meant _ that. 

 

I sagged into her arms and felt the tears of relief starting to run down my face. They weren’t going to leave me here. They weren’t going to send me back.  _ Yet _ ,whispered the ugly little voice in my head, but I shoved it down. I could hear the pain and panic and horror and...and  _ love _ in her voice, and I wanted it to be real. 

 

She pulled back and wiped the tears off my face. “I don’t know if you’re ready to hear this, but I love you, baby. I swear I will never do anything so horrible as to abandon you in a random parking lot, ok? You’re my baby, now. And you always will be.”

 

Tyler murmured softly in my ear, “Double for me. You’re not going anywhere without a fight.”

 

I shuddered and nodded. “O-O-O-O-OK-K-K-K.”

 

Mom kissed me gently on the forehead. “You still up for some shopping?”

 

I nodded again. She stood up and took my hand and led me into the store. It was a big thrift store, and I stared at the racks and racks of clothes. 

 

“Let’s pick out something you like, ok?”

 

I looked up at her helplessly for a moment. “I’ve never picked my own clothes.”

 

Tyler frowned. “What, never? Why not?”

 

I shrugged. “I don’t care about clothes. I just wear whatever.”

 

Tyler stared at me and there was something measuring in his eyes. “Come on, I think I know what the problem is.”

 

He took my hand and led me through the store. I was looking around and trying not to think about how nice his hand felt in mine when we stopped. He let go and started rifling through the rack. A moment later he pulled something out and turned to me. “How about this?”

 

My heart froze. It was a dress. A cute, a-line dress that was white with purple flowers all over it. My hands twisted as I stared at it, and God, I wanted it. I looked away, breathing hard.

 

“Stop it.”

 

He cocked his head down to look at my face. “Stop what?”

 

“Stop encouraging my wrongness.”

 

Tyler sighed. “Mikey, I’m not going to push you. If you really want to go grab a handful of boy clothes and call it a day, we will.” He stepped closer, bringing the dress back into my line of sight, and I closed my eyes to avoid looking at the wonderful thing. “But I swear to you on my life that it’s ok that you’re a girl. And I saw the look on your face when you looked at it. I know you want it. And I’m telling you, as your older brother, that there’s nothing,  _ nothing _ , wrong with that.”

 

I shuddered. “Yes there is.”

 

Tyler sighed. “Why do you think that?”

 

I gritted my teeth. I didn’t want to answer that, but...he wouldn’t stop until I did. “Why do you think my real parents left me at a bus stop.”

 

Tyler’s breathing sped up and his face clouded with...I had to look away from him, his emotions were too loud on his face. He was furious.

 

“That is so fucked up,” he breathed. “God, that’s _fucked. Up._ They... _dumped_ _you_ at a _bus stop_?”

 

I shrugged. “Yeah.”

 

Tyler was shaking. His voice was slightly strangled. “Because you’re trans.”

 

I squirmed uncomfortably and started swaying, rolling my hips from side to side. “I guess. It’s not like they didn’t have a bunch of reasons to choose from. But the last thing I said to them before they did it was to call me a girl name, so. Probably that was it.”

 

Tyler shuddered and stared at me for a long moment. Then he dug in his pocket and pulled out his phone. I should have stopped swaying, but it felt nice and there was no one around to stare, so I kept doing it. 

 

He shoved his phone under my nose. There was a pretty girl on the screen. “Mikey, this is Joy Jenkins. She’s a girl like you.”

 

I blinked. “What.”

 

“Joy is a girl with a penis, just like you. She’s famous. She has a YouTube channel where she talks about being trans. Mikey, look at how many subscribers she has.”

 

I stared at the number with a frown. “416.”

 

Tyler shook his head. “Mikey, the little k means thousand. She has  _ 416,000 _ people that watch her and like her.”

 

My heart stuttered. “I don’t understand.”

 

“Understand what?”

 

“If it’s ok, why did they leave me.”

 

Tyler took a deep breath and set the dress aside. He stepped forward and pulled me into a hug. “Mikey, that’s what Mom and I have been trying to tell you. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re a wonderful, amazing, strong girl who happens to be trans and autistic. The problem is, you’ve had some incredibly,  _ horrifically _ shitty people in your life.”

 

He pulled back and looked at me fiercely. “Mikey, they did that because they were  _ bad people _ . People make fun of you and call you a r...a re...a retard, because they’re bad,  _ bad _ people. It’s  _ not _ your fault.”

 

I stared at his chest, struggling to process that. “Th-th-th-tha-tha-that d-d-d-do-do-doesn-doesn’t m-m-m-make se-se-sense.”

 

He pulled back further so I could use my phone. “Why not?”

 

I tapped one handed, unwilling to stop touching him. “That would mean that everyone I've ever known was a bad person.”

 

Typer stroked my hair gently. “Yeah, you’ve had the world’s shittiest luck.”

 

I swallowed hard. “That can’t be right.”

 

Tyler sighed. “Yeah, I'd’ve have expected you to meet at least a single decent human being in nine years, but…”

 

I stared at my phone sightlessly, fingers on autopilot. “There’ve been a couple of social workers that seemed to think I was just sick or something and a couple of doctors who thought they could fix me, but no-one’s ever talked to me like you and Mom do.”

 

Tyler squeezed me gently. “I know. And that sucks. And I’m not going to tell you that there’s not more shitty people in your future. But you’re part of our family now, sis, and you can be yourself. I promise.”

 

I shivered and tucked my phone in my pocket, then reached out hesitantly to touch the dress. It was so soft. It looked so comfortable. I could see myself in it already. And...and I hadn’t known anything near 416,000 people. That many people couldn’t...couldn’t be stupid. Who was right? Who had the truth here? Everyone I’d ever known, or the nameless thousands and my...my new family?

 

I stroked the dress and a small smile twitched at my lips. Who the fuck cares? Tyler and Mom would let me wear what I wanted, it seemed. And…I swallowed, remembering the way Mom clung to me when I thought she was going to get rid of me. And maybe they’d even let me stay. 

 

I gently disengaged from Tyler and grabbed the dress. I carried it to the changing rooms in a daze. It felt perfect going on, the first item of clothing I’d ever felt that I actually gave a damn about wearing.

 

I stared in the mirror for a long minute, breathing hard as it began to sink in. I could have this. Whether it was wrong, whether  _ I _ was wrong to want it, was immaterial. Mom and Tyler would let me do it. I shivered and opened the door of the changing room, stepping out to find Tyler and Mom waiting. 

 

Mom gasped and touched her face and my heart stuttered. “Oh, baby, you look so pretty!”

 

I shivered again and looked at Tyler. He grinned and gave me a thumbs up. “Rockin it, sis!”

 

I blushed and twirled in place, watching the skirt flare out. A little laugh bubbled up out of me, the first in a long time. I rushed back into the changing room and grabbed my phone. 

 

“Let’s find some more.”

 

We shopped for nearly two hours and walked out with eight bags of beautiful clothes. They’d rung up the first dress while I was still wearing it, because I couldn’t stand to go back to the scruffy boy clothes I’d walked in wearing. There had even been a few pretty, feminine pairs of shoes that fit me and I was wearing a pair of black ballet flats with leather roses on the toes. I felt exhilarated as I stepped out of the store, facing the world for the first time in clothes I actually  _ wanted _ to wear.

 

Mom loaded the clothes into the trunk and then we climbed into the car. “I don’t know about you two, but I could eat a horse!” She said with a laugh. She twisted around to look at me. “What’s your favorite food, baby?”

 

I blushed. “I don’t have one.”

 

She nodded. “Ok. You like Italian?”

 

I nodded. 

 

“Good, that’s our favorite,” Mom said with a smile as she put the car in gear and pulled out. 

 

I stared out the window, feeling my brother’s presence next to me, and took a deep breath. 

 

“My name is Hannah.”

 

There was a moment of silence and my heart pounded into it. 

 

“It’s nice to meet you, Hannah,” Mom said with a smile.

 

Tyler reached over and stroked my arm gently. “That's a really pretty name.”

 

I blushed and smiled shyly. “Thank you.”

 

~~~~~

 

We’d stopped at a Wal-Mart after eating some really, really good food. We’d picked out a pretty bed set, a couple of posters, a big bunch of hangers, some...some panties and some frilly socks. They’d turned me loose on the puzzle aisle and now I had a dozen jigsaws, half a dozen brain teasers, a cool maze in a ball type thing where you had to get the ball bearing to the finish line by rolling it along tracks, and two Rubik’s cubes, one big and one a keychain.

 

I’d pulled out the small Rubik’s cube in the car and had Tyler mix it up for me. It hadn't taken me that long to solve it, so he’d actually mixed it up twice more.

 

“You’re really good at that,” he said softly, grinning after the second time. 

 

I shrugged, concentrating on twisting and flipping the little thing. “I-i-i-i-it’s j-j-j-ju-ju-just p-p-p-pa-pa-pat-pat-patterns.”

 

We pulled up in front of a nice house and I got out, feeling strange. This was...this was it. This place was supposed to be my home, now. 

 

They took me by the hand and showed me the house. It was nice, four bedrooms, one that we didn't go into that they said was a play room, two bathrooms, a big kitchen and living room. There was a sizable backyard with a balance beam and a little wooden fort that I just knew I was going to be spending a lot of time in. 

 

We got my clothes hung up, my bed made, and my posters hung on the wall, and I felt...weird. It was my room. My own room, with my own things in it. There was a little desk and a bookshelf for my puzzles and a side table next to the bed. 

 

I touched everything, trying to reassure myself that it was real. I almost didn’t want to believe it, and I doubled down on my promise to myself not to hurt Tyler. I couldn’t lose this. 

 

“Hannah?”

 

I turned to look at my brother with a shaky smile. Damn it, why did he have to be so  _ hot _ ?

 

He stepped up, Mom leaning in the doorway behind him. “There’s something we need to talk about, ok? Nothing bad.”

 

I swallowed and nodded, focusing on his chest. His slim, muscular chest that I wanted to...I stabbed the thought and dragged it back down. 

 

“Hannah, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but normally at home Mom and I don’t wear-”

 

“Tyler, she needs time to adjust,” Mom said, cutting him off. 

 

He shrugged. “She can handle it. Can’t you, sis?”

 

I shivered, but nodded.

 

“We don’t wear clothes, Hannah. If that will make you uncomfortable, we can-”

 

I lost the rest of what he said as the implications hit me. Tyler  _ naked _ .  _ All  _ the _ time _ . Oh my God, what the hell was I going to do?

 

“-ou ok? Hannah, are you-”

 

I started typing and he stopped talking. “That’s fine. It’s your house, you should do what you want.”

 

Mom stepped around him and put her hands on my shoulders. “It’s your house now too, baby girl. And you should be comfortable.”

 

I shrugged spastically. “It's fine, I promise.”

 

She searched my face. “Is this fine like going to the mall was fine, or actually for real fine?”

 

I blushed. “It’s fine fine.”

 

She nodded. “Ok. If it becomes not fine, you’ll tell us?”

 

I nodded.  

 

She smiled and kissed me on the forehead and they left my room. I stood there, eyes closed for a minute, and then grabbed the maze ball and started playing with it while sitting on the...on my bed.

 

There was a noise and I looked up and my breathing stopped. Tyler was standing in my doorway, and he was  _ gorgeous _ . His skin was the same smooth, unblemished sun bronze all over, not like my own dark skin. His looked like it glowed, mine just looked brownish. His legs and chest looked like they’d been molded out of metal, shining and smooth and just perfectly muscled. And...and his cock and balls were mouthwateringly, hand twitchingly beautiful, sinfully on display. He was thick and long, even soft, so I knew his lack of pubes was deliberate. I managed to get my eyes down, but that was no fucking help because his feet were as stunning and perfectly formed as his hands. If someone had reached into my darkest dreams and pulled out an image, and then the best artist in the world had sculpted it, it would look like Tyler. Before I forced myself to look away, I saw his cock start to twitch and shiver and harden. 

 

“Do you wanna come watch a movie?”

 

I stared at the wall until the words registered past the rushing in my ears. I shrugged and fumbled for my phone. “OK.”

 

I set my toy aside and crawled off the bed, trying not to look at him. He didn’t move from the doorway as I walked closer to him and my hands started twisting as I fought the urge to do bad things to him. I stopped a foot away from him, trying to look anywhere but at the thickening cock between his legs, at the plump, soft balls squirming in their sack. He reached out and took my hand and I shivered as he led me down the hall to the living room. 

 

If I’d expected relief from my unnatural desires, I was wrong. Mom was naked too. She was fit and curvy, a generous dollop of tummy and thick thighs and hips doing nothing but make her look soft and inviting. I’d never been interested enough in girls my own age to hurt them, but Mom looked like an old Italian painting with her soft breasts that I desperately wanted to sink my fingers into, her wide, flat nipples taking up a huge portion of her breasts. 

 

Her skin wasn’t as perfect as Tyler’s. She had a smattering of freckles that made my fingers ache to trace them, and she had a little mole on her hip that called the eye naturally to her privates. She didn't shave off her pubes and they were a darker blond than the hair on her head, looking like fool’s gold dusting above a pair of thick, pillowy lips that made my own lips twitch hungrily. 

 

This time, it wasn’t self preservation that made me look at her feet, because I knew at this point what I would see. They were slender and small and soft and her toenails were painted the same blue color as her fingernails, the same blue as her eyes, a cornflower blue darker than Tyler’s. I helplessly pictured her feet pressing into me, and shuddered as I felt my wrongness stiffen under my dress.

 

Oh holy God above, I was so screwed. These beautiful, amazing people had brought trash into their home and the trash wanted to worship every inch of them. I flushed hard as an image of them standing over me while I wore a collar and pretty lingerie inserted itself into my mind and I would have run for my room if Tyler hadn’t had my hand. 

 

He led me over to the couch and then, because of fucking course, he settled me down pressed up against Mom and squeezed in next to me, sandwiching me between these two gorgeous bodies. 

 

Mom put her hand on my thigh and even through my dress, it made my heart stop. “Is this ok, baby girl? You look a little flushed.”

 

I let out a strangled helpless laugh. “It’s fine, really, I’m ok, I’ll be fine.”

 

She nodded and Tyler slipped his arm around my shoulders. A moment later, Mom's arm joined it and I was completely surrounded by warm skin. To my right I could smell Tyler’s sunshine and musk smell, and to my left, Mom smelled like lavender and soap. I swallowed hard. 

 

We must have watched something. I’m sure they asked me for my opinion. My eyes kept drifting to their laps and chests, and my hands were going crazy in my own, twisting and writhing as I fought violently against the urge to touch them. It only got more difficult when Tyler laid his head on my shoulder and I could feel him breathing through his nose. His cock hardened at that and I fought down a sob of want at the sight of the perfectly formed statue between his legs. It would fit like a key in my hand, in my throat, in...in that private, filthy part of me, I knew it would. 

 

The movie ended and I forced myself out from between them, privately stunned that I’d gone this long without attacking them. 

 

“Hannah, are you ok?” Mom asked softly.

 

I stared at her breasts guiltily before I forced eyes to my phone and nodded jerkily. “I’m tired. Can I go to bed.”

 

“Of course, baby girl.” They stood up and then Mom pulled me into a hug and my face was right fucking there, pressed into the mounds on her chest. I pressed my lips together hard to keep from licking her and managed to hug her back. My hands touched warm, inviting skin and I lost the battle not to stroke it gently. I pulled away at the last second before I lost all self control, fighting to contain my breathing. 

 

Then Tyler hugged me. And oh God, I almost lost it. I almost ruined everything, because his cock was still hard and it pressed into my stomach and his arms were so powerful and strong around me. I kept my hands on his shoulders, but damn it, even his shoulders felt like they were sculpted for my horrific desires. I pulled away from Tyler even faster and managed somehow to get to my room and close the door.

 

I leaned back against it, breathing hard and shaking. I had to convince them to lock me in somehow. I could feel the bad urges rising, to explode out of my room and attack them, to take what I wanted, what I needed. 

 

I forced myself to go to my backpack. Before I’d had a lock on my door, I’d had other ways of controlling myself. I fumbled into the front pouch and pulled out the little box of sleeping tablets, just over the counter stuff, but they were meant for grown-ups and they’d knock me out cold. I checked the dates and breathed a little sigh. They were a year old, but they were still good. I quailed a little at seeing I only had three left, but...anything at this point was better than giving in to the monster inside me. 

 

I popped one out and swallowed it dry. Twenty minutes later I was passed out.

 

~~~~~

 

I felt warmth all around me, smelled lavender and sunshine. I smiled and reached out to stroke the soft skin around me, revelling in it. Nothing wrong with a dream.

 

“Baby, are you awake?”

 

I froze and my stomach began doing somersaults. I opened my eyes a bit to find Mom pressed up against my front, and I could feel Tyler behind me. Oh God. The pills hadn’t worked. I’d hurt them in my sleep.

 

“I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-”

 

Mom held up the box. “What are these?’

 

I shuddered and sat up, trying not to touch them. Mom handed me my phone.

 

“Useless is what they are, they were supposed to keep you safe.”

 

Mom shuddered. “Baby. Hannah. You didn’t do anything.”

 

I stared at her in confusion.

 

Tyler reached out and touched my arm and I shied away from him. “Sis, you wouldn’t wake up. It’s 1 in the afternoon.”

 

Mom licked her lips. “Poison Control said to let you sleep it off unless your breathing started to get difficult. We were going to call an ambulance in a few minutes.”

 

I blushed. “They don’t hurt me. Just make me sleep deep enough that I don’t get up and do bad stuff to people.”

 

Mom took a deep breath. “Hannah, you scared us. You’re not taking these again, do you hear me?”

 

I groaned and put my head in my hands. There were naked, beautiful people. In my bed. Telling me I couldn’t have a lock on my door or my safety pills.

 

I stared at my phone for a long minute. “You have to take me back.”

 

Mom looked like I’d punched her. “What?”

 

“I can’t stop myself from wanting to hurt you. If you won’t lock me up and you won’t let me have my pills, I’m going to lose control and do bad things. You can’t let that happen. You have to take me back.”

 

There was silence for a long minute or two. “Fuck that,” Tyler whispered. 

 

Mom nodded. “I agree. Fuck that. You’re staying right here.”

 

I made an anguished sound. “Please, I don’t want to hurt you, you’ve been really nice to me.”

 

Tyler crawled off the bed and walked around to stand next to Mom. “Hannah, watch.”

 

He leaned down and then my brain shorted out as he cradled her face and kissed her. Not just a little peck on the lips, a full, deep kiss. His hands slid down her neck to her chest and her body responded lewdly, back arching into his grip. My breathing got short and fast as he moaned into the kiss and then crawled on top of her, his cock hardening. 

 

Mom pulled back from the kiss, breathing as hard as I was. “Ty, stop.”

 

He let out a frustrated sound, and my face burned as he rubbed against her, his cock teasing at her lower lips. She gasped and put a hand on his ass. “Ty, she’s freaking out.”

 

He turned to look at me, and I saw the echo of the monster inside me in his eyes. He didn’t want to stop. He wanted her. Now, here. 

 

Tyler was like me. 

 

He smiled hungrily. “I don’t think she's freaking out,” he whispered. His hands squeezed and played with Mom’s breasts, making her whimper, and she reached up to stop him. “See, Hannah? You’re not making us do anything. We’ve been having sex for years. And I think my little sister wants to see me fuck your brains out, Mom. Do you? Do you want to see Mommy writhe and beg for my cock, Hannah?”

 

My brain, my self preservation, my need to protect them, had chosen a terrible time to step out for coffee. I nodded eagerly. 

 

Mom looked at me and her pupils were wide, hungry. “Do you really? Are you sure?”

 

I fumbled my phone. “Godyes pleesedo it.”

 

It came out garbled nonsense and I made a frustrated sound and started over, when Mom stopped me with a hand on my wrist. “OK. OK, baby girl if you’re,” her breath hitched as Tyler took her at her word. I watched his thick cock press into her folds, my breathing harsh. “Oh fuck!”

 

I sat there frozen as Tyler bottomed out with a groan. He pressed his forehead to hers, and grinned ferally. “God, it’s so good inside you, Mom.”

 

Mom moaned and spread her legs wider, reaching down to grab his hips. “Fuck, baby,” she whispered. “Back where you belong.”

 

She began tugging on his hips, rolling her own, and I nearly had an aneurysm as he started to fuck her. Short, hard strokes that I could almost feel inside me, my bad place twitching wildly in envy. I couldn’t move, could barely breathe watching this gorgeous, lewd show, listening to the sound of my brother’s cock sliding wetly in and out of my Mommy. 

 

I wanted more. I wanted to hear Mommy say bad things, make bad noises. I wanted to see Tyler really fuck her. I wanted them to lose control like I did. Before I could stop myself, my hand was on his ass, pushing at him. 

 

He let out a gasping laugh and looked at me with wild eyes. “Not hard enough?”

 

I bit my lip and shook my head, stroking his perfect, beautiful ass. He looked down at Mommy, whose face was slack with pleasure. “Your little girl wants to see me fucking pile drive you, Mom. Is that what you want?”

 

She licked her lips and nodded. “Take me, baby, ah! Make me scream!”

 

He surged into her and she rocked back up the bed. Under my hand, his hips suddenly went wild, slamming into her so hard and fast it sounded like applause. She threw her head back and cried out as she began inching up the bed under the force of his thrusts. She wrapped her legs around him and scrabbled at his back, keening sharply. It had to hurt how hard he was fucking her. Her face was a contorted mess as she gasped and mewled half obscenities. His face was red and he was panting hard. 

 

I stared at them, shaking all over, and then Mommy’s hand shot out and grabbed the back of my neck, dragging me to her. I made a little noise but she needed me, had to have me, and her lips claimed mine. I whimpered into her mouth as her tongue forced its way in and took possession of me. I was on my hands and knees, kissing this beautiful woman while my brother brutalized her privates and I’d never been so hard. 

 

She pulled back, pressing our foreheads together, face screwed up almost frighteningly. “Fuck, baby, fuck fuck fuck  _ fuck! _ ” Her voice rose to a wordless shriek as she exploded, shaking violently. I stared at her face hungrily, drinking in the agony of ecstasy written all over it. It was loud, it hurt to look, but I couldn’t look away. 

 

Tyler wasn’t anywhere near done though. “Please. On. Your. Hands. And. Knees.”

 

She whimpered and somehow managed to roll over, to get in position. She grabbed me and manhandled me into place under her and I groaned. 

 

“Play...with...us?” She whispered, staring at me with a glazed expression. 

 

I jerked like I’d been punched, but she was so soft, so very hot, and right on top of me,begging me, ordering me. I could no more have disobeyed than I could have walked to the moon. My hands shot up to stroke her sides and my mouth was almost magnetically attracted. I captured one of her beautiful nipples and suckled on it eagerly.

 

“Oh, fuck yes baby girl!” She snarled, her hand sliding behind my head to hold me in place. “Nurse on mommy, nurse on me while your brother fucks me.”

 

I whimpered, mouth full of warm, sweet flesh. Mommy bowed her head, grunting obscenely, and whispered, “Can you feel him fucking me baby girl?”

 

I nodded frantically, sucking and laving her with my tongue, feeling the hard little nub in my mouth. Her hand left the back of my head and grabbed my hand. Sensuously,she guided it down her front until my fingers were between her legs. I gasped as I felt Tyler’s cock melding with her, felt it slide into her so hard, so fast. She pressed my fingers to a hard little nub of flesh. “Play with Mommy’s clitty baby,” she groaned, her breath harsh. “Help your brother make Mommy feel good.”

 

I stroked it and her back bowed and she let out a guttural gasp. A feeling of power, of accomplishment roared through me and...I had to have more. I started squirming around under her. 

 

“Ty...Ty s-stop, I think we broke her,” Mommy said, panting and reaching back to still him. 

 

I wiggled out from under her determinedly. I hated that I couldn’t talk.

 

“Hannah are you ok?” Tyler asked, breathing hard. 

 

I ignored him and crawled under her again, facing the other way. I reached up and touched her privates, seeking that little nub. This close, the smell of them melded together was intoxicating and my head was spinning. I found what I sought and leaned up to latch my lips around it, my hands sliding up to grab her hips. 

 

“Holy. Fuck.” Mommy whispered. 

 

Tyler laughed breathily. “I think she’s just,” he started thrusting again, “fine, huh?”

 

I gave him a drunken thumbs up and continued my quest to eat the best meal of my life. Mommy and Tyler's juices were dripping down onto me, smearing on my face, and his balls were sliding over my forehead. I could taste his stuff, drooling out of her with every thrust, and her own cream was hot, sweet, and sharp on my tongue. I drank it like I’d never have water again, like it was the only thing that would keep me alive. 

 

My hands dragged on her hips, selfishly wanting to hold her still, to maximize contact. To my utter delight, she shifted, letting her privates drop to press into my face, sealing my nose and mouth to her. I pressed back, like I was trying to crawl inside her and become her real baby. My tongue and lips were working overtime, slurping and lapping and swallowing hungrily. The sight of my brother's cock pounding her, so close to me, the slick sounds it was making, had my heart pounding frantically. 

 

I realized at some point that I couldn’t breathe, and that made it even better. My whole life, my continued existence, was being bet against my ability to do bad things to her. Far from shifting to try and get air, I pressed harder into her, hauling on her hips to force myself deeper. I squealed happily when she stopped holding herself up altogether and her weight rested along my body, comforting and safe, her glorious privates suffocating me even as her weight pressed the air out of me. 

 

My head began to spin gently and my ears began to ring and I didn’t care. I just wanted more of the taste, the smell, the feelings. I clutched at her hips to keep her in place as Tyler’s cock slid against my face in its endless task of trying to get as deep in her as possible. My vision began to fade and I let it, focusing on my other senses.

 

Distantly I heard shouting, exultant cries as Mommy rode my face to another peak and carried Tyler over the edge with her. I slowed my efforts and snuggled into her privates, content with the world as the ringing in my ears and the burning in my chest built. This was all I wanted, all I needed. Everything faded away until it was just a taste and a smell and then those faded too.

 

I jerked awake coughing and gasping, feeling my family’s arms around me. Mommy was stroking my face, still slick and shiny. 

 

“Breathe, baby,” she whispered. 

 

I smiled like an idiot and snuggled into her, feeling the warmth of Ty at my back, his hands stroking me. 

 

She blew out a sigh of relief. “Can you talk?”

 

I didn’t want to, but I nodded. She hunted around, but it was Ty who found my phone and handed it to me. 

 

“Baby, what happened? You stopped breathing.”

 

I blushed and shakily tapped at my phone. “Didn’t want to.”

 

Mommy shivered. “Baby, I’m so sorry, we shouldn't have pushed you-”

 

She cut off as the clicking of my keyboard sounded out. “It was amazing.”

 

Mommy made a confused noise, but Tyler’s breath hitched. “Hannah...were you getting off on Mom’s pussy suffocating you?”

 

I nodded shyly. “It felt really good.”

 

Tyler shivered and leaned down and kissed me and the world went away for a moment as I kissed him back. He pulled back and stroked my hair gently, grinning. “That is really fucking hot, sis.”

 

Mommy swallowed. “Speak for yourself. New rule. No dying during sex.”

 

I blushed and shrugged. 

 

Mommy caught my face and made me look at her for a moment. Her hand was shaking slightly. “I mean it, baby. I know...I know you have self worth issues, but please don’t just let us kill you because it feels good.”

 

I sighed. “But I like it.”

 

Mommy opened her mouth, but Tyler beat her to it. “What do you like, Hannah? Tell us about it.”

 

I tried to ignore the dirty look Mommy was giving him as I typed. “I like it when a cock presses into my throat and I can’t breath and I choke and it hurts. I like it when people put their hands around my neck and squeeze until I go away, especially if I come back and their hands are still there and their privates are still using me to feel good. And I really liked being mashed into your privates so tightly I couldn’t breathe.”

 

Tyler stroked my side and grinned at Mommy. “We have a little breathplay fetishist on our hands.”

 

Mommy made an uncomfortable noise. “Baby...what else have you tried?”

 

I stared at my phone quietly. 

 

“I promise you won’t get in trouble, but we need to know these things.”

 

I swallowed. “I found out I liked not breathing when a man put a bag over my head while he put his privates in my dirty place. I used to put bags over my head and do naughty things to myself until I got punished for it. I sometimes when I'm hiding in my room put belts around my neck and pull on them until I go away because it feels nice.”

 

Mommy was breathing hard. “You...oh, Jesus. Fuck.”

 

I shuddered and felt shame wash through me. “I’m sorry, I told you I was bad.”

 

Mommy swallowed and stroked my face. “You’re not bad, baby. But those things aren’t safe, ok? You are absolutely not allowed to make yourself pass out. Do you understand?” 

 

I nodded miserably. 

 

Mommy took a deep breath and her hand slid around my throat, massaging it suggestively, making me gasp. “If you want to do that, you let Ty or me know, ok? We’ll make you feel good. But only Ty or me. If you have sex with another boy or girl, there will be no pass out games. Ok?”

 

I stared at her for a moment, then at Tyler. He was staring at Mommy's hand on my throat and his own hands were twitching. “You’re not mad.”

 

Mommy shook her head and leaned down to kiss my ear. “No, baby. We want you to feel good. If that’s what you like, we’re ok with it. We just want you to be safe and not get hurt.”

 

I swallowed, and my hand slid up to touch hers. “Will you do it now.”

 

Mommy smiled and her hand tightened. I felt my head start to get heavy and a grin spread across my face. I stroked her hand dreamily, and like a dream, she squeezed harder. I could breathe still, but she was pressing on the spots that let blood through, and my vision was getting cloudy. I sighed contentedly as the world spun around, then faded away.

 

I came back slowly, blinking stupidly as the light came back on. Mommy was stroking my hair and I felt a hand on my neck still. I struggled to focus and realized it was Tyler’s hand, my brother's hand. I shivered and smiled shyly at him. 

 

“Would you let me try?” He whispered. 

 

I nodded eagerly and reached up to press on his hand.

 

“Ok, Ty, you’re not trying to squeeze the life out of her,” Mommy said softly. “Be gentle.”

 

He started squeezing and I let out a little whimper, staring at his face hungrily, occasionally letting my gaze flick up to his eyes. His mouth was open slightly as my face started to turn red, looking at me like I was beautiful and wonderful. I squeezed his hand, and he got the message, clamping down a little tighter and I gasped and squirmed, starting to wriggle. Immediately he let up and I made an unhappy sound, my hands tightening on his, glaring at his nose. 

 

He laughed softly and squeezed again and I giggled happily as the floaty, going away feeling rose up. I squirmed, arching my back, pressing up into his hand, and he clamped down tightly, finally enough to make me go away. I shuddered and passed out.

 

I came back to gentle lips mouthing mine and a tongue exploring my mouth. I gasped and began kissing back, my eyes drifting closed to cut off the light that was coming back. His hand was still on my throat, stroking me and I desperately wanted him to make me go away again. He broke off the kiss gently and nuzzled my cheek. “That,” he whispered in my ear, “is never going to get old. That is the hottest fucking thing.”

 

I blushed and reached up to stroke his hand.

 

“Ah-ah-ah,” Mommy said quietly. “Your sister needs time to recover after we do that. No more than four pass out games a day, if that.”

 

I sighed and counted in my head. “I have one more then.” I looked at her hopefully as my phone talked.

 

Mommy snorted. “Patience, little girl.”

 

I pouted, but nodded.

 

Tyler smiled and took his hand off my throat, making me sigh. “You seem to enjoy some really fucked up, really cool shit, Hannah. What else do you like, sis?”

 

I squirmed silently for a moment. They were ok with the pass out game. Tyler even seemed to like it. 

 

“Lots of things,” I hedged. 

 

He kissed my neck, making me squirm and gasp. “Tell me about them.”

 

I moaned. “I like when people tell me what to do and I have to do it. I like being hurt. I like when people do naughty things to me without asking. I like being called bad names.”

 

Tyler's breath was hitching and he looked like he’d been given a winning lottery ticket for Christmas. “God, that’s-”

 

“Dangerous,” Mommy breathed. She touched my face gently, turning me to look at her. I focused on her lips. I wanted to kiss her again. 

 

“Baby, from now on no-one does these things to you except me and Ty without permission from me or Ty. Do you understand?”

 

I hesitated. “Not even if they do it without asking.”

 

She shuddered. “I know you like that, but no, especially not then. You won’t get in trouble, but if that happens, I need to know about it, ok? Doing this stuff to someone without asking is very bad. It’s called rape, do you know what that is?”

 

I licked my lips. “I know. I like it. Why is it bad if I like it.”

 

Tyler stroked my arm. “Not because you’re bad. People who rape do it to people who don’t like it too, and they need to be punished for it. They could hurt you really bad.”

 

I frowned. “I like being hurt.”

 

Mommy stared at me for a long minute. “You also like doing what you’re told, yes?”

 

I nodded. 

 

“Then I’m telling you. No one is allowed to rape you or hurt you without permission from me or Ty. Understand?”

 

I sighed. “OK. I promise.”

 

Mommy breathed out a shaky sigh. “Good.”

 

Tyler looked at her sideways. “What kind of being hurt do you like?”

 

Mommy sighed. “Ty, you are not to break your sister.”

 

He grinned and stroked my cheek. “I’m not going to break her, I just want to hurt her a little.”

 

My stomach clenched. Oh God, he wanted to hurt me? Really? I stared at him eagerly. “Slap me please.”

 

He looked at Mommy for permission. She took a shuddering breath and nodded. He lightly slapped my cheek and I snorted. “Like you mean it.”

 

Tyler grinned hungrily and sat up. He rolled on top of me and straddled my hips. I licked my lips, my breath coming short. He raised his hand and hesitated, looking at Mommy. 

 

She swallowed. “Baby, how hard are we talking here?”

 

I grunted. “Hard. Please I haven’t been slapped in so long the Parsons wouldn’t hit me after the first time.”

 

She shuddered. “Small mercies. Go ahead, Ty.”

 

His hand blurred down and there was a ringing crack. My eyes watered as the sting washed over my face and I made a lewd sound without meaning to as my wrongness went rock hard. Tyler gasped and I saw his cock spring to life, too. “Oh my God, you really enjoyed that,” he whispered, staring at me in wonder.

 

I blushed on the side of my face that wasn’t turning red, blinking and wiping at my watering eyes. “A-A-A-A-A l-l-l-l-lo-lo-lo-lot-lot.”

 

He leaned down, nuzzling my cheek, the whisper of ache starting. He’d really got me good. “What’s your favorite way to do this?” He whispered.

 

I shuddered. Fuck, he was hard from hitting me, why not? I grabbed my phone.

 

“Hold my hands over my head so I can’t fight back and slap me back and forth with the front and back of your hand.”

 

Tyler whimpered. “ _ Fuck _ . That’s...you...how the hell are you alive?”

 

I shrugged. “It’s not anything I did, it just happened.”

 

He looked at Mommy silently and they had another of those conversations with their eyes. Mommy stroked my hair. “You really enjoy this, baby? For real?”

 

I nodded emphatically. “The first time it happened an older boy did it to me, I don’t know why, but when our foster parents pulled him off me my face was bruised and my lip was bleeding and I was upset that they stopped him. I got sent away cause I asked them to let him do it again.”

 

Mommy shuddered and buried her face in my neck. “God, baby,” she whispered. 

 

Tyler looked at me, and there was something uncomfortable in his eyes. “You...you won’t...stop me?”

 

I looked away, gently rubbing my cheek. The sting was fading to a gentle warmth. I shook my head, and tapped on my phone. “Why would I want to.”

 

Tyler took a shaky breath. “OK, I will make you a deal. I will slap you, the way you like it, but only five times on each cheek. And if there’s any marks, we don’t do it again that hard.”

 

I squirmed underneath him. The feeling of him pressed into my wrongness was distracting. “I want more though.”

 

Mommy kissed my cheek. “I agree with Tyler. There are other ways you like to be hurt, yes?”

 

I sighed and nodded. 

 

“Then we’ll do those. Baby, we could lose you if you get bruises on your face.”

 

I blinked. “What.”

 

Mommy stared at me curiously. “The people who gave you to us will take you away if they think we’re abusing you.”

 

My head spun slightly as I looked from one to the other. “No they won’t.”

 

Tyler cupped my face gently. “Yes they will, sis.”

 

I shook my head. “It's fine to hit me, I've been hit a lot. I just get in trouble for liking it.”

 

Mommy made a hurt noise. “Baby, did it ever occur to you that you kept getting taken away from families because they were doing these things to you? Not because you liked them?”

 

I stared at her in shock and for the first time ever the penny dropped. “The social workers weren’t punishing me.”

 

Tyler rubbed my face gently. “No, Hannah. They thought you were in danger and they were trying to protect you. A nor...most people don’t like being raped and hurt the way you do. They didn’t understand, they thought you were lying to protect your abusers.”

 

My breathing got shorter and faster as reality realigned in my head. “O-O-O-O-Oh G-G-G-G-Go-Go-Go-God-God, p-pl-pl-pl-plea-plea-plea-please-please d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-” 

 

I snarled with frustration and panic and grabbed my phone. “Please don’t let them take me away again I don’t want to go away again please please I won’t do the bad things anymore you don't have to hit me I don’t wanna go back please please don’t make me go back.”

 

Tyler slapped me and I gasped, arching into him helplessly. Mommy stared at me and I stared at him as he rubbed his hand, the ringing sound echoing in my ears. 

 

“It's going to be ok,” he said softly. “You’re not going back, ever. And we’ll hurt you the way you like. But we have to be careful, ok?”

 

I swallowed and looked at Mommy. She put her hand on my tummy and rubbed it gently. “Baby, when he slapped you just now, you looked like...like...you reacted sexually. I’m not going to take that away from you. But we do have to be careful, ok?”

 

I nodded slowly. Tyler gently grabbed my wrists and I whimpered, tracking his free hand hungrily as he pressed my hands into the bed. Then his hand came down and I saw stars, bucking and writhing under him. His hand came back the other way and I moaned, instinctively turning my head in anticipation of the next. His hand fell into a rhythm and I panted and gasped and squirmed against him, dreading the next slap as my face burned, needing the next slap to feel whole. I felt my wrongness clenching as he slapped me harder and harder, building up. Three times, four times,and then the last two slaps came down hard enough to make my ears ring and the good feelings exploded out of me as I shrieked and jerked under him.

 

I floated for a minute on the feelings, my face aching terribly, my gut and groin clenching in the afterglow of one of the best sparkles I’d had in a long time. I sighed softly, and my cheeks hurt from the stupid smile on my throbbing face. 

 

“Holy shit,” Mommy whispered, staring at me in amazement. “Did..it looked like...baby did you  _ come _ ?”

 

I giggled, feeling floaty and nice inside. I nodded.

 

Mommy stroked my cheek and I shivered. I drifted a little as Mommy and Tyler had a whispered conversation. He was still holding my hands over my head, which was really nice. 

 

“Please?” He murmured. I looked up at him in confusion, seeing he wasn’t talking to me. 

 

Mommy took a shuddering breath. “Be careful.”

 

He grinned ferally, and turned to look at me. There was a hunger on his face so intense I had to look away. He grabbed my biceps and hauled me up off the bed and then Mommy scooted behind me. He grabbed my panties and pulled them off and I gasped, hoping he was about to, wanting him to. Mommy leaned forward and grabbed my thighs, pulling them up against my chest. My breath hitched as he stroked my dirty place with his fingertips.

 

“Tyler is going to rape you now,” Mommy whispered in my ear. 

 

I whimpered and started shaking all over and they stopped. “Is that ok?” Tyler whispered. 

 

I nodded hard, so hard I thought my head might come off. “M-M-Ma-Ma-Make i-i-i-i-i-it h-h-h-h-h- _ hurt _ ,” I whispered, trying to get them to hear the eagerness in my voice around the stupid stutter. 

 

Tyler grinned wider. He bent down and pressed his mouth to my dirty place, making me gasp in shock. I’d done that before, but no-one had ever kissed the nastiest part of trash like me. His tongue darted out and I whimpered again, helplessly bucking my hips against him. He gave me a languorous lick and then smiled up at me. 

 

“God, you are just a filthy little rapebag, aren’t you?”

 

Mommy made an uncomfortable noise, but my heart soared and I nodded eagerly, grunting and pushing my butt at him, begging him with my eyes. He laughed and stroked my butt, then french kissed me there and I squealed, shaking all over with the intensity of the feeling. His tongue probed and teased and dug at me and my eyes were rolling back in my head. Part of me wanted it to go on forever, part of me was desperate for the real rape to commence. 

 

He sat up, wiping his mouth,and then grinned at me. “You want my cock, don’t you?”

 

I nodded rapidly. 

 

“How bad do you want it? Bad enough to say it? To beg for it?”

 

My heart stuttered and Mommy gasped. “Tyler-”

 

He blinked and seemed to wake up. “Shit, sorry, I-”

 

My breathing was ragged. “P-P-P-P-P-Pl-Pl-Pl-Plea-Plea-Please-Please,” they fell silent and stared at me, as tears of frustration started to build in my eyes. He wanted to hear it and I wanted to  _ say _ it. “I-I-I-I-I-I n-n-n-nee-nee-need y-y-y-y-yo-yo-you-you-you t-t-t-t-to-to-to r-r-r-r-rape m-m-m-m-me-me-me, T-T-T-T.. .b-bi-bi-bi-big br-br-br-br-bro-bro-broth-broth-brother-er-er-er-er.”

 

His eyes were wide and he was trembling slightly. He lunged forward and pressed his cock to my dirty place and I shuddered. “That,” he whispered softly as he slid it up and down against me, teasing me, “was the hottest fucking thing I have ever heard. You just fought so hard to beg to be raped. You  _ fought _ to get that out. To say that horrible thing to me”

 

I shuddered again, staring at his cock as it slid in his spit. He leaned in until he was whispering in my ear. “You are such a fucking little cockwhore that you managed, even with that stutter, to beg for rape.”

 

I nodded shakily. He lowered his voice further until I could barely hear him and whispered, “Ask and ye shall receive, slut.”

 

My eyes bugged out and Mommy clapped a hand over my mouth to contain the ragged, sobbing scream as he pushed into me. I whimpered sharply, over and over, as he forced his way into me, that huge, gorgeous cock forcing me open in my favorite way. Tears were running down my face and I screamed into Mommy’s hand again when he seated himself fully inside me, his hips flush with me. 

 

“Fuck,” he whispered, staring into my eyes. There was only the monster in his and I shuddered, drinking it in until my head hurt and I had to close my eyes. I felt his breath on my cheek and shuddered. “You are so hot when you cry.”

 

I moaned and then he was pulling out and I screamed again. His cock dragged out of me, trying to pull my guts out with it and I struggled against Mommy’s hold, grateful that she didn’t stop him, that she pinned me tight and made me take it like a good girl. I heard him spit a couple of times and the return slide was slightly easier. 

 

He bottomed out and I whined softly. He laughed and his lips brushed my nose. “Oh, I’m sorry, is my little cumdump of a sister not having fun? Too gentle for you?”

 

I shuddered and took a deep breath and nodded without opening my eyes. 

 

He giggled insanely, drunk on power, and slammed me twice between heartbeats. I screamed and clutched at Mommy, fresh tears starting to run down my face. He giggled again and ran his hands over my calves. “Better?”

 

I forced my eyes open to look at him, needing him to see that I meant it. I nodded slowly, emphatically. “Mmm-hmm.”

 

He grinned and then set up a brutal pace that had me sobbing into Mommy's hand. It hurt terribly and I wanted it to go on forever, wanted to feel him stabbing into my guts again and again and again and again. My hands twisted in the bad ways as I screamed myself hoarse, my whole body fighting to get me to fight back, to stop this, but God, I didn’t want to. He was raping me, ugly, horrifically, and I needed it never to stop. 

 

After a few painful minutes the floaty feelings began and my screams turns to moans and horribly obscene little mewls. My special spot was getting jackhammered and it was sending bolts of agonized pleasure through me, making my toes curl and my hands clench. Mommy kept her hand on my mouth to stifle me, which made it so much hotter, so much more real. No one could hear me. No one would save me. My brother was raping me and my Mommy was holding me in place for him to do it.

 

Mommy squeezed my thigh and whispered softly in my ear, “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

 

I whimpered and nodded. It was the best sex I’d had in a long time.

 

Mommy sighed. “You really are a helpless little fuckhole, aren’t you?”

 

My heart burst with love and I nodded again. 

 

She laughed softly. “Look at your brother, Hannah.”

 

I opened my eyes, relieved to find his closed. His face was red and screwed up and his tongue was between his teeth as he fucked me so hard my dirty place was just a solid ball of pain with the little stuttering blasts from my special spot. He looked beautiful, powerful, and so fucking hot as he forcibly took his pleasure from me. 

 

“Doesn’t he look like he’s enjoying you?” She whispered.

 

I nodded, blushing, and my stomach twisting. I loved that look of utter bliss and dominance on the face of a boy when they raped me, and I was so happy not to see hesitation or concern. He knew what he wanted, knew that it didn’t matter what I wanted, and he was going to fucking have it. 

 

“You know this is just the first time, right?” She murmured. “That I’m going to let him have you whenever he wants.”

 

I whimpered and nodded, closing my eyes to escape the loudness of his face. 

 

“And you know what, Hannah?”

 

I shook my head.

 

She licked my earlobe delicately, her voice husky with hunger and want. “I’m going to have you too. I'm going to strap a big old piece of silicone in between my legs, tie you down, and fuck you until you beg for it to stop.” My heart soared and I grunted eagerly into her hand. She laughed softly. “And then I’m going to keep fucking you until you beg me never to stop. And then I'm going to fuck you some more, just for fun. And then do you know what I’m going to do?”

 

I didn’t but I desperately wanted to. 

 

She lowered her voice til it was almost hidden by my grunts and Tyler’s gasps. “Then I’m going to rip off that strap on and drown you in my sopping pussy while Tyler has his turn, as many turns as he likes. Why, you might spend a couple of days doing nothing. But. Being. Fucked.”

 

My breath hitched as I imagined it and my groin clenched sharply, drawing a gasp from Tyler. “Would you like that, baby?”

 

I nodded frantically, floating on the edge of my sparkles. 

 

“That's good,” she whispered. “It’s good that you’ll like it. Because you don’t get a say, do you? We’re going to rape you. And rape you. And rape you. Over and over. As much as we like, whenever we like. That’s your new purpose in life, Hannah.”

 

Her voice lowered again and I could barely hear it, my breath freezing in my chest. “To be. Our. Rapetoy.”

 

I came like a bomb going off, shrieking and jerking helplessly in her arms. Tyler shouted out in surprise as my abused dirty place clamped down around him and the next few thrusts were extra painful into the convulsively tight space, heightening and intensifying the feelings.  Mommy chuckled indulgently as though I’d done something cute, while Tyler painted my insides with his juices. He thrust a couple more times for good measure, then collapsed forward onto me. 

 

We sat there together, all of us breathing in what had just happened. I squirmed a little and Mommy eased my legs down, letting me relax a little. I shuddered gently and then painfully pulled myself up to my knees. 

 

Tyler looked at me, eyes still glazed over. “Hannah?”

 

I crawled over til I could get my head down low enough and then he gasped as I cleaned him off with my mouth, thanking him wordlessly for what he’d done. He stroked my hair and sighed happily, turning over without taking his cock out of my mouth, to lean against Mommy. I glanced up and saw them watching me. He made a little noise and pushed at me and I pulled back, letting his softening cock fall out of my mouth. 

 

I crawled up to them and put my hands in my lap, staring down at them submissively. I needed them to know, and I had to use my own voice for this. “Th-th-th-th-th-tha-ha-than-than-thank-thank-thank y-y-y-y-yo-yo-yo-yo-you-you-you.”

 

Tyler grinned shyly and picked up my phone, handing it to me. Then he pulled me into the cuddle pile. “Not too much? With the name calling and...and the force?”

 

I smiled into Mommy’s stomach and tapped away. “No, it was perfect, everything I wanted.”

 

Mommy stroked my hair gently. “You know it's going to be a few days before you can get fucked again, right? And that sometimes it will be gentle?”

 

I smiled wider. “I still have my mouth and my hands and my feet and you can rape me gently.”

 

There was silence for a moment. And then Tyler reached over and stroked my arm. “Hannah, I’m not saying that wasn’t hot as all hell, but what if I don’t want to rape you? Would you still enjoy that?”

 

I shrugged. “I don’t know, I’ve never had sex where I was allowed to say yes.”

 

Mommy gasped. “You...never?”

 

I shook my head. 

 

Tyler shuddered. “Well, we’re just going to have to fix that,” he said softly.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, I had a dilemma. On the one hand, I was apparently living in a house, with a family, where sex was ok, as my aching dirty place attested to. On the other hand, neither of them had said whether it was ok for  _ me _ to do naughty things to  _ them _ without asking. And I badly wanted to suck my new brother’s cock. But it might be rude to wake him up for that. I’d done naughty things to boys before in their sleep, but I didn’t want to screw this up now that I knew that not everybody liked being raped. 

 

I walked into the bathroom, admiring my new nightie in the mirror. It was pink and a little sheer, and it looked adorably sexy and feminine on me. I looked at myself critically as well. My face wasn’t bruising, which made me relieved, and while my hair was short, it wasn’t so short that I didn’t look girly, maybe a pageboy cut if you turned your head and squinted. And my face was, in addition to being thankfully not-bruised, round and soft enough to make it girly too. 

 

Nodding happily at what I saw, I considered my dilemma again. My mouth watered at the thought of Tyler’s cock, and I knew from past experience that there was no better way to start a day than with a load of boy juice in my throat or on my face. But he was sleeping, and…

 

I rubbed my eyes and giggled. Yesterday I’d been terrified that they would get rid of me if I touched them. Today, my biggest problem was that I didn’t know where my boundaries were. 

 

“Morning, baby.” 

 

I turned and smiled at Mommy. “M-M-M-M-M-Mo-Mo-Mor-Mor-Morn-Morn,” I laughed softly and gave up. 

 

She grinned. “Want to go get your phone?”

 

I nodded and stepped up to pass her. She leaned down and my breathing slowed as she kissed me gently on the lips, rubbing my shoulders and back. I pressed into her, whimpering needily as I ran my hands over her, amazed that she’d let me, that this was ok. 

 

She pulled back with a chuckle and cradled my face. “Mmm...maybe your phone can wait? Are you in the mood, baby?”

 

I nodded eagerly. I’d never started a day with a face covered in girl juice, and I was suddenly curious to find out if that was a good as way to start the day as boy juice.

 

Mommy took me by the hand and led me into the kitchen. She hummed softly as she made herself a cup of coffee from one of those fancy pots that brewed itself on a timer. Then she led me into the living room and sat down on the recliner, taking a slow sip of coffee.

 

“What would you like to do, baby?”

 

I blushed and dropped to my knees, reaching out to stroke her wonderful thighs. 

 

Mommy chuckled softly. “You know, you don’t always have to be a bottom. You can fuck me if you want.”

 

My heart went cold and my face twisted with unconscious disgust, my stomach rebelling at the thought. I shook my head hard. 

 

Mommy nodded slowly. “You don’t like your penis?”

 

I shook my head again and made a snipping motion like scissors and then pointed at my wrong place. 

 

Mommy’s eyes widened. “Baby, it’s ok not to like it, but you’re not allowed to hurt yourself, ok? We’ve talked about this. Only Ty and I can hurt you.”

 

I grinned and pointed at her and then made the other two motions again.

 

Mommy chuckled. “No, baby girl, I will not cut off your penis.”

 

I laced my fingers together and put them under my chin, my elbows parallel to the floor. I cocked my head to the side, grinned winsomely, and batted my eyes at her. 

 

She snorted coffee. “No, not even if you say pretty please.”

 

I sighed and pouted. 

 

“No, baby girl. When you’re older we’ll talk about maybe getting you the surgeries, but we are not just going to lop it off with garden shears or something.”

 

I stared at her for a long moment, then took off for my room. 

 

“Baby?”

 

I spun in place and held up a finger for her to wait, then tore off again. A minute later I was back with my phone, typing frantically. 

 

“There are surgeries. What surgeries. What do they do.”

 

Mommy chuckled and held out her arms. I climbed into her lap, wincing at the ache in my butt. She rubbed my back gently. “Baby, when a girl is born with a penis, when they get older, a special kind of doctor can do a surgery that turns the penis inside out, making it into a vagina.”

 

I stared at her and felt myself start to hyperventilate. They could do that? They could give me the right parts?

 

“Hoe old.”

 

Mommy shrugged and took a measured sip of coffee. “At least 18.”

 

I shuddered. Nine more years. Great. 

 

“Hey, it’s going to be ok, baby. There’s...medicine you can take that will help.”

 

I licked my lips. “Help how.”

 

She stroked my back in gentle circles. “It will make your body have a grown up girly shape, and give you breasts and sometimes it will stop you from growing a lot of body hair.”

 

I gagged. “I might have hairy boobs.”

 

She snorted with laughter. “No, baby, it prevents you from growing hair on your chest and stomach and back. But girls can get thick arm hair and leg hair too, so that might happen.”

 

I nodded slowly, my head racing. “When can I have it.”

 

She took a deep breath and took another sip of her coffee as she turned it over in her head. “Well. We need to take some steps first. And you’ll be on a different kind of medication for a while first, to stop you from growing up more boy like. Usually girls like you start the medication that gives them a woman’s body at 13 or 14.”

 

I sagged. “Well, shit.”

 

She snorted. “I didn’t realize your app could swear.”

 

I grinned. “Cocksucking monkey fucker.”

 

Mommy giggled. “Language, young lady.”

 

I stroked my phone slowly, thinking. “What kind of steps.”

 

Mommy swallowed and set her coffee aside. She put her arms around me and I started getting nervous that she was nervous. “The first step,” she said softly, “is that you have to talk to a therapist.”

 

My heart clenched and I jerked away from her, shaking my head hard. 

 

“Baby, it will be ok-”

 

“No they try fix me.”

 

She swallowed again and pulled me back to her gently. “No, they won’t. I won’t let them. There's nothing wrong with being autistic, or trans.”

 

I shuddered. “What about the rest of it.”

 

She took a deep breath and squeezed me tightly. “I…depending on the therapist, I would rather you didn’t mention the stuff we do at home.” 

 

I snorted. If they were right about the social workers trying to save me from ”abuse,” that was never going to fucking happen. I’d have to be dragged away from Mommy and Tyler kicking and screaming. By a fleet of firetrucks. Possibly after they’d had to shoot me in the legs to keep me from kicking them to death. 

 

She grinned, following my thoughts on my face, then her face turned serious.“But they can help to deal with the stuff that's happened before. With your feelings of being bad and sick and wrong. With your,” she took a shuddering breath and I saw fear on her face, “death fantasies.”

 

I smiled a little cheekily, but my heart was tripping over itself. “What happened to there's nothing wrong with me.”

 

Mommy winced and hugged me tightly. “Baby, there’s nothing wrong with you as a person, ok? The things that make you, well, you? Being autistic and trans? Those don’t need fixing. But...wanting to die is not healthy. Wanting to be hurt and raped is ok, there's lots of people with those fantasies, but the fact that you’d actually let a stranger do those things to you without being safe about it? That worries me. I don’t want you to die, ok?”

 

My head felt tight. I knew it was stupid to ask, but I had to. “Why.”

 

Mommy shuddered. “Oh, baby girl. Oh, my sweet baby girl. Can’t you think of any reason I might want you to stay alive?”

 

I blushed and grinned teasingly. “Cause I’m good in bed.”

 

She snorted with laughter. “I mean, you’re not wrong,” she said with a smile as she tapped my nose. Her face turned earnest and she put her head on my shoulder. “But it’s because I love you. I want you to have a long, happy, full life. I want you to have everything good and wonderful.”

 

I shuddered, wiping at my suddenly wet eyes. “But what if I don’t want that. What if I just want to die in a blaze of rape.”

 

She winced. “That's what therapists are for. To help you learn to want to stay alive and safe.”

 

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. None of that made sense. You want to die, but that's bad, so you go to a doctor to learn not to want it?

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

She sighed and snuggled me, and I heard her sniffling back tears. “I know, baby girl. I know.”

 

I squirmed around and looked at her with concern. “Why are you crying.”

 

She blew out a breath of laughter. “Because I’m terrified that I'm going to lose you. That I've just found the most wonderful little girl of my very own and she's going to...to commit suicide because she doesn’t understand that she has worth and value, that her life has meaning.”

 

I stared at her face as long as I could stand it, reaching out to wipe her eyes. This...this was important to her. For whatever reason, she would be upset if I died. The rusty gears of family and familial love kicked into motion in my head as I took a moment to imagine Mommy dying. Or Ty. Part of me, the part of me that had long ago accepted that if I somehow survived the system I would age out and then go find someone to fuck me to death on my eighteenth birthday, argued that if they were ready and happy I’d understand. 

 

But there was a little part of me screaming, and growing ever louder as I tried to imagine life without my Mommy or my brother, that I wouldn’t understand. I’d been with this family...my family, for two whole days. And I would fight for them. I wouldn’t give them up without a knock down, drag out brawl. I wouldn’t want to lose them. Hell, five minutes ago, I’d been vowing to get kneecapped and dragged away by a fleet of firetrucks before I’d give them up. 

 

And...and maybe they wouldn’t want to lose me. Maybe they...wouldn’t understand if I decided to die. Maybe it would hurt them. 

 

I stared at my phone in the silence as, for the second time in two days, my reality realigned. “Ok. Ok, I can see that it hurts you. I won’t die if I can help it.”

 

Mommy blew out a shuddering breath. “Thank you, baby girl.”

 

I snuggled into her, listening to the quiet in the house, feeling her arms around me holding me tightly. 

 

“Are you still horny.”

 

Mommy snorted and giggled. “Is that all you think about?”

 

I coughed in embarrassment. “Pretty much.” She giggled again and I hesitated, then admitted. “And talking about dying and rape makes me horny.”

 

Mommy rolled her eyes. “I see. I think I could be persuaded to be in the mood.”

 

I grinned shyly. “What do you want me to do.”

 

Mommy looked at me thoughtfully. “How about you do what you like to do?”

 

I swallowed. “What anything.”

 

She stroked my back. “I'm not into pain like you are, but other than that I’m open to letting you have your way with me.”

 

I hesitated. “Even if it’s weird.”

 

She chuckled. “Baby, yesterday your brother and I choked you unconscious, slapped you across the face til you  _ came, _ and pretended to rape you. I am  _ fairly _ certain you’re not going to weird me out.”

 

I blushed and nodded. “Tell me to stop if you don’t like it please.”

 

Mommy rubbed our noses together. “I’m not the one with sexual boundary issues, cutie.”

 

I giggled and slid off her lap onto the floor. I stroked her legs admiringly, touching and petting her freckles. I looked up her shyly and then took a deep breath. My lips brushed her knee, her shin. I shivered at the warmth of her skin, at the softness. I leaned down, going down on my elbows and knees, and my lips brushed the top of her foot. Her breath hitched and I jerked back.

 

“Baby, it's fine,” she whispered, smiling down at me. “You just look...so pretty like that.”

 

I blushed and smiled back. I bent down and kissed her foot again, stroking it with my lips. I let out a shivery breath. I hadn’t played with someone's feet in a couple of years. At least, not while they were awake. I moaned softly and rubbed my cheek on the soft skin, reaching out to caress it gently. She lifted it up a little and I shivered and gave her a quick look of gratitude, slipping my hands underneath it, gasping at the feeling of it cupped in my hands. Her feet were so soft, so delicate, so perfect. I kissed each of her toes, my mouth watering. 

 

I swallowed hard and made myself stretch it out, leaning over to gently kiss the top of her other foot. My lips trailed along the side of it, little kisses all in a row. She lifted that foot up too and I slipped a hand out from her left to hold her right. I was trembling now, and fighting the urge to just go crazy. I didn’t want to scare her so she would let me do this again. I kissed each of the toes on her right foot, feeling how perfectly they fit between my lips. I mouthed them softly, and hoped I wasn’t moving too fast as I gently licked the top of her foot, moaning eagerly. My heart beat wildly as I stretched out on my stomach, feeling my nightie bunch up around my tummy, my bare butt on display. Now I didn’t have to bend down at an awkward angle. 

 

I laid my head on the floor and licked her right instep, slow and easy. It twitched against my tongue and I giggled softly.

 

“You know,” Mommy said softly. “That feels really nice, but I think I would enjoy this more if I could see you. Scooch back, baby girl.”

 

I obeyed, sliding back and reluctantly releasing her feet. My breath caught as she put the footrest up, bringing her soles to eye level. I stared at them hungrily as she picked up her coffee cup and smiled at me. She crossed her ankles, waved at her feet, and cradled her cup. “Bon appetit, baby girl.”

 

I whimpered and crawled forward, unable to take my eyes off them. I gently pressed my face into her left sole, moaning as I rubbed against it, trailing kisses wherever my lips touched. I reached up and ran my shaking hands over them. I pressed my lips to her sole and my tongue slid out as I messily frenched her foot. She shivered as my tongue began to slide slowly over the sole of her foot, tasting every inch of it, nibbling her with my lips. I pressed my nose into her toes as I made out with her foot, little gasps and grunts falling out of my mouth in a steady stream. She wiggled her toes against my face and I whimpered, turning my head to the side, rubbing my cheek against her, feeling my spit smear over my face. 

 

I leaned over and restarted with her other foot, kissing her sloppily, wetly. My hands were moving of their own accord, rubbing and caressing her feet, and I was in heaven. I didn’t like a lot of gentle stuff that I was aware of, but this? On my knees, worshipping a beautiful pair of feet? This was one of my favorite things. Helpless now, I trailed my tongue up her sole and it slid between her toes. Mommy made a sound and I looked up at her, my hands and mouth full of her feet. She was looking at me intensely, and she took a slow sip of her coffee. “I think I like the way you look with my feet on your face, Hannah.”

 

I moaned and went back to work, licking happily between her toes, breathing hard. I looked up at her, watching her for a negative reaction, as I gently wrapped my lips around her big toe. She gasped and I froze. “Don’t you dare stop,” she said with a grin. 

 

“You have nine to go, and I don’t think,” she swallowed as I started sucking again, “ah, I don’t think you’re quite done with that one, do you?”

 

I shook my head, moaning. I closed my eyes and lost myself, rubbing her feet gently as I sucked her toe like it was her clit. Softly, almost meditatively, I let it pop out from between my lips and moved to the next toe in line. It was just as delicious, and I hungrily sucked at it, curling my tongue around it, my head bobbing slightly. I sucked on it awhile and moved to the next one with anticipation.

 

Mommy's breath was deepening, and I smiled happily, enjoying my treat. Her toes felt so sweet and small in my mouth, and I blushed a little as I remembered other, even smaller feet I’d enjoyed. I wished I could do the trick of just opening my mouth wide and sucking the entire top half of her foot into my mouth, but my mouth was too small in this case. Still...I opened my mouth and took her four small toes into my mouth, sucking them all at once, sighing happily as I ran my tongue between and over them.

 

“Holy shit, that's hot.”

 

My eyes flew open to find Ty standing next to Mommy, stroking his cock. I blushed and continued sucking, holding her feet protectively, possessively. 

 

“How...how did you even figure out she would do that?” He whispered, eyes glued to my mouth. 

 

Mom chuckled and uncrossed her ankles. She twisted her ankle and began stroking the side of my face with her foot. I whimpered and my eyes drifted closed under the wonderful sensation. “Apparently, when you offer to let your sister do whatever she wants, what she wants is to do is this.”

 

Tyler fell silent for a moment. “You...you think she’d do that to me?”

 

I reached up and caressed the foot caressing me. I gave him a thumbs up, lost in the toes in my mouth. 

 

Mommy laughed softly. “You wait your turn, young man. Our little subbie girl isn’t done with me yet.”

 

I moaned at the thought of them fighting to get their feet on me. I let her toes slip out of my mouth and turned my head, capturing the big toe of her other foot with a little shuddering sigh of happiness. Mommy let out a soft sigh and started stroking me with her other foot, leaving little trails of spit on my temple and cheek. 

 

“Fuck, uh, Mom, would you-”

 

She chuckled. “Of course, baby.”

 

I opened my eyes a little and my heart leapt as I watched Mommy swallow Ty to the root. He groaned and put his hand on her head and then turned to watch me pleasure Mommy’s feet. I blushed, holding eye contact for a few seconds, and then my eyes drifted closed. 

 

I was working on her second toe when I heard a soft, wet sound. I cracked one eye open to see Mommy sliding a second finger into her pussy, moaning around my brother’s cock. I shivered, happy to see my family feeling good. I took a second in between her second toe and the rest of them to kiss her soles again, licking them softly, paying special attention to the one rubbing my cheek. I liked the feeling of having my spit rubbed on my cheek by her beautiful feet. 

 

I captured the last of her toes and groaned as I sucked on them slowly, the taste just as exquisite as the others, soft and sweet and very Mommy. Her foot continued to tease my face, and I heard Tyler's breathing begin to deepen. I looked at him and found he was staring at me fixedly while he pumped at Mommy’s throat, and I blushed and smiled around my mouthful. That seemed to be the trigger, because he gasped and jerked sharply. I saw his balls jerk and tighten and heard Mommy moan hungrily as he pumped his juice down her throat. Mommy pressed some spot inside herself and stiffened and her toes curled in my mouth, gasping her way to her own high. 

 

I sighed contentedly and closed my eyes, just revelling in the feelings. Mommy gently moved, tugging her feet back with a smile. I let it go, sitting back on my haunches and grinning. Mommy put the footrest down and scooched forward, reaching out to take my face in her hands. She pulled me in and kissed me softly. “That was amazingly hot, baby girl. You have my permission to play with my feet whenever you like.”

 

My heart skipped a beat. “R-R-R-R-Re-Re-Rea-Real-Real-Really?”

 

She nodded, nuzzling my neck and kissing under my ear. “Really, baby. I loved it.”

 

I giggled and stroked her back, smiling dreamily. I could do that whenever? Hot damn!

 

Mommy stood up and I was face to face with her soaking pussy. I hesitated and then licked it gently, just to get a taste of the intoxicating aroma. Mommy groaned and put a hand on my head. “God, that's tempting, Hannah, but I think we should probably have breakfast. You like waffles?”

 

I nodded eagerly.

 

Mommy smiled. “Waffles it is.”

 

She stepped around me and walked off to the kitchen, leaving me sitting on the floor. 

 

“You, uh, can do that to me too,” Tyler said softly. 

 

I waved at the recliner with a grin and licked my lips. He chuckled. “Maybe not just now, I just came.”

 

I sighed and grinned. I snagged my phone and went to sit on the couch. “Tyler can I ask you something.”

 

He walked over and sat next to me. “Of course.”

 

“If I wanted to suck you while you were sleeping would that be ok.”

 

He shivered. “God, you are just too perfect.” He put his arm around me and grinned. “I absolutely give you permission to molest me in my sleep, sis.”

 

I giggled. “Cool. And you know you can do stuff to me when I'm asleep too, right.”

 

He nodded, grinning. “I kinda figured, but it's nice to hear you actually say it.” He stroked my chest, smiling at me. “Actually, there's something I want to do right now.”

 

I nodded, smiling. He slid off the couch and my breath froze in my chest and the smile went tight on my face. Oh. Oh no.

 

He flipped up my nightie and grinned. My wrongness was still stiff from playing with Mommy's feet and he was staring at it. I felt my face flush and I struggled to control my breathing. 

 

“God, you look tasty,” he murmured. He leaned down, looking up at me, and licked along the short length. I shuddered. I could do this. He was my brother, he loved me, he just wanted me to feel good. I took a shuddering breath and hoped he’d chalk it up to arousal. I spread my legs to give him better access, then firmly sat on my hands so I wouldn’t start ticking and spazzing. 

 

He smiled up at me and I tried to focus on how hot he was and not what he was about to do. That was a shitty plan because a second later that wonderful mouth opened and engulfed my most hated part. I let out an involuntary grunt, and firmly shut my eyes. I couldn’t watch this. 

 

His mouth was warm and soft and wet and if it had been on any other part of me, I’d have been ecstatic. As it stood, I just desperately hoped the sparkles would come quickly so he would stop. 

 

I screwed up my eyes and tried not to hunch forward and push him off. My stomach was churning in time with his bobbing, and I felt the first whispers of stabbing pains in my temples. Thankfully biology was on his side. It was a boy part and boy parts react favorably to mouths. I gritted my teeth and willed it to react faster so I could thank him and pretend this never happened. 

 

A horrible thought struck me. I was going to have the sparkles, there was no way to stop them, I knew that from the last few times someone had done this. And if past experience was anything to judge by, he was going to want to do this again. The stabbing in my temples ratcheted up from chopsticks to knives. God, the thought of him doing this regularly made me want to vom-

 

“What the  _ fuck.” _

 

Tyler's mouth left me and I blew out an explosive breath of relief, my hands shooting up to cradle my head. 

 

“Mom, what-”

 

Arms went around me, soft breasts pressed against me, and I started to shake. “Jesus God, Tyler what the fuck were you thinking?”

 

Tyler sounded genuinely upset. “Mom, I was sucking her off. I wanted her to feel good.”

 

Mommy shuddered and started rocking me gently. “Hannah? Hannah can you talk to me?”

 

I shook my head spastically. 

 

“She...Hannah?” Tyler whispered. “Hannah, what...what’s wrong?”

 

I shuddered, feeling a stab inside my heart and a sharp, definite stab in my head. I was hurting him. I forced myself up and shook my head, patting my thighs.

 

“ _ Hannah _ ,” Mommy said sharply, and I jerked. I tried to wave her off and motion again for him to continue, and Mommy grabbed my shoulders. “Hannah,  _ stop that. _ ”

 

I shuddered, whimpering as I realized I was starting to rock back and forth and ticking uncontrollably. My head was killing me.

 

“God, what...what did I do?” Tyler whispered.

 

Mommy took a deep breath. “Tyler, did you  _ ask  _ her if you could touch her there or did you  _ tell _ her?”

 

There was silence for a long moment. “Oh, shit,” he whispered. “She...she didn’t want...but she won’t...oh my God, Hannah, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking, I-”

 

He reached out and touched my thighs and I jerked sharply. He pulled his hands back like he’d touched a hot pan. “Shit, shit, shit! Hannah-” he broke off, panting. “Mom, what did I do?”

 

Mommy tried touching me and I shied away helplessly again. She made a little sound of pain and scooted away from me, giving me space. “I suggested she top this morning and I thought she was going to throw up. She hates her penis, Ty. She told me she wants to cut it off.”

 

Tyler shuddered. “Fuck. And I just went down on her without... _ fuck.” _

 

“Hannah,” Mommy whispered. “Hannah, what do you need?”

 

I took a shuddering breath and tried opening my eyes. There was halos around everything and I whimpered. No way I could use my phone. “H-H-H-H-Hu-Hu-Hu-Hur-Hur-” I growled with frustration and fumbled with my phone anyway. The screen was like needles in my eyes.

 

“Head hurt need dark hide sorry.”

 

Mommy shuddered. “Can you make it to your bedroom?”

 

I shook my head. My bedroom had two windows and the closet was actually full of clothes and had a built in shoe rack. There wasn’t room for me in there. I tried standing up, but then realized I couldn’t navigate blind. I stumbled unsteadily and tried cracking my eyes open again. I could barely see, but it was enough for me to get to the downstairs bathroom. I slipped in and closed the door, then put a towel down by feel to block out any light.

 

I crawled into the tub and curled up in a ball, trying not to touch my head. 

 

A few minutes later the door opened and I whimpered, turning my head away. The door closed, blocking out most of the light. 

 

“Here,” Mommy whispered. “Open your mouth.”

 

I obeyed and a little pill was placed in my mouth. 

 

“Drink this,” she said softly. 

 

I cracked my eyes open and in the half light I could see she was holding a soda can. I grunted and shook my head. 

 

She paused. “Hannah, we will discuss that later, but right now, you’re going to drink this.”

 

I shuddered and took the can. I gagged sharply as the fizz hit my mouth, followed instantly by the overwhelming sweetness. I managed a decent gulp and then  shuddered and tried to hand it back to her. 

 

“Two more big sips,” she said firmly. 

 

I groaned and obeyed, choking them down and then she blessedly took the disgusting stuff away. 

 

She stood up. “The headache should go away soon, baby girl,” she whispered. 

 

The door opened and then thankfully closed and I curled up in the mostly dark, hurting too bad to get out of the tub and put the towel back. 

 

To my everlasting shock, after a while, the pain started to fade. I sat up, blinking and gingerly touching my head. What the fuck was in that pill and why the ever loving holy fuck had I never heard of it? I’d had these headaches whenever I got overwhelmed for as long as I could remember, and I’d never had one this short. A short while later it was down to a distant throb and I blew out a breath of relief. Once it got to this point, it usually didn’t come back. 

 

I climbed out of the tub and opened the door, blinking at the light, but it was normal adjusting blinking, not “shoot me god please make it stop” blinking. 

 

I took a deep breath and slipped silently up the stairs to my room. I didn’t want to wear this nightie anymore. I pulled on a bright pink t-shirt and a pair of white overall shorts. I breathed a little easier knowing my wrongness was safely hidden away, then faced my door. 

 

Mommy had known what to do for my headaches, the first person ever to know. That meant that she wasn’t going to send me back over this. I told myself that over and over until I halfway believed it. I was just working up the courage to face my family when the bedroom door opened.

 

Mommy poked her head in. “Feeling better?”

 

I nodded. 

 

“Feeling up to talking?”

 

I blinked. I...I could hide a while longer. I hadn’t expected the headache to go away so quickly, I wasn’t...entirely prepared to face the consequences of my actions. But…

 

I nodded again and followed her down the stairs. 

 

Tyler was sitting on the couch and I stopped, staring at him. He was wearing clothes, boxers and a shirt, and I felt a pang as I realized he needed to be safe from me. He looked up at me and his eyes were red, his face was pale and blotchy. My heart twisted. God, I’d hurt him  _ badly _ if he was actually crying. 

 

“Hannah, I-”

 

I crossed the room swiftly and hugged him, the first time I’d ever initiated one. He jumped as my arms went around him and for a horrible second I was sure he hated me now, that he wouldn’t hug me back. Then his arms were around me and my breathing eased as he held me tightly. 

 

“I-I-I-I-I-I-I’m-I’m-I’m s-s-s-s-s-so-so-sor-sor-sorry.”

 

He stiffened and gently pushed me away. I shuddered, unable to look at his face. God, he did hate me now.

 

“Hannah, what the...I’m pretty sure I’m the one that fucked up here. I’m so sorry, sis.”

 

I blinked and risked a look at his face, long enough to see he was sincere. I swallowed and wiggled my fingers like I was typing. Mommy stepped up and handed me my phone.

 

“I hurt you though, you’re crying.”

 

Typer sighed. “Hannah, I'm crying because  _ I _ hurt  _ you _ .”

 

“No I shouldn’t have done that it felt nice really.”

 

Mommy sucked in a breath. “ _ Hannah _ . Sit. Now.”

 

I shuddered and sat down next to him. Mommy stepped up in front of us, her arms crossed. “Now, you listen up, both of you. You both fucked up.”

 

I started to shake my head. “ _ Hannah _ .” I jerked at the sharpness in her voice. “Stop that, right now.”

 

I swallowed and stared at my phone. 

 

“Tyler. You know your sister has boundary issues. You know she literally doesn’t understand she can say no. You will remember that in the future, and you will  _ not _ proceed without active consent outside of roleplay. That means that you  _ will _ ask her for permission  _ before _ issuing anything she could interpret as an order. Am I absolutely crystal clear?”

 

My fingers were moving when Mommy snapped at me, “Stop typing, young lady.”

 

I froze. 

 

Tyler looked over at me and nodded. “Yes, Mom. You’re clear,” he whispered. 

 

“Good. Hannah.”

 

I twitched. 

 

Mommy took a deep breath and knelt down. “Young lady, contrary to what you may want or believe, we do not  _ actually  _ want to rape you. We’re ok with rough, nasty sex for fun and because you enjoy it. We are ok with hurting you in fun ways. We are not in any way, shape, or form ok with hurting you for real.”

 

I shivered as she put her hands on my thighs. “You have  _ got _ to learn to tell us when we’re actually hurting you. You  _ have _ to say no when you don’t want something. This is an order, like not letting people hurt you or rape you without our permission.”

 

She raised my chin so I could see the look of command she wore. “You will say no if you don’t want something.” She pointed at my phone. “Promise me.” 

 

I squirmed and typed rapidly. “I promise he didn’t hurt me please don’t punish him.”

 

Mommy growled and I flinched. “Do  _ not _ lie to me again, young lady. You just had a stress migraine.”

 

I twitched, my fingers jerking. I wanted to try again to reassure her again, but…

 

Tyler put an arm around me. “Hannah, sometimes mistakes happen. I-” Mommy cleared her throat dangerously. He glanced at her and took the better part of valor.  “ _ We _ messed up. But please, don’t lie about it. That’s pretty much the top house rule, no lying.”

 

My heart ripped out a panicked staccato and he must have seen it. “Hannah, calm down.” He gently kissed me on the cheek. “We’re not going to send you back, no matter what. We want you. We  _ love _ you. Just please, be honest with us, ok?”

 

I stared at my phone. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

“Then be honest,” he whispered. “Simple as that.”

 

I shuddered. “Ok. I promise I’ll try to say no if I feel no.”

 

Mommy sank down on the couch on my other side. “And that if you mess up on that, you won’t try and cover it up.”

 

I sighed. “I promise I won’t lie to make you feel better, yeah.”

 

Mommy kissed the top of my head. “Good girl.”

 

I blushed. 

 

Mommy took a deep breath and rubbed my back. “Come on, let’s have waffles.”

 

~~~~~

 

I was sitting on the floor in front of the TV doing a jigsaw listlessly, feeling depressed. 

 

I’d broken my family, just as I feared. After I’d fucked up and let Tyler see how much I hated having my wrongness touched, he hadn’t touched me sexually since. It had been three days and he was still wearing clothes around me, still hiding his beautiful body from me. I hadn’t had the courage to initiate anything, because I didn’t want to feel the pain of hearing ‘no.’ 

 

Worse, Mommy had been watching me when she thought I wasn’t looking. I knew she’d realized now how stupidly broken I was. I knew she didn’t want trash like me putting my hands on her anymore. I disgusted them now, and rightly so.

 

Oh, they still hugged me and told me they loved me, of course. They had to pretend they hadn’t made a mistake. They might even be lying to themselves that they hadn’t. But they had. They knew it, I knew it. Hell, I’d known they were going to regret bringing a retard home as soon as I said yes, and they were starting to realize that now too.

 

I stared at the puzzle piece in my hands, and surreptitiously wiped my eyes. I didn’t think they’d send me back. God, I  _ hoped _ they weren’t going to send me back. Honestly I was just trying to make it through the day without looking at them, knowing they didn’t want me anymore. I’d heard Mommy and Tyler having sex in Mommy’s bedroom, hiding it from me so I wouldn’t look at them with my stupid retarded eyes. 

 

I heard voices in the kitchen and then I heard my name softly. My heart dropped and I stared at the puzzle sightlessly. It would be bad to go listen. They obviously didn’t want me to hear. But...but if I was going back, I needed to know. I needed to get my head right to deal with them getting rid of me. 

 

I pushed myself up off the floor heavily and crept up to the kitchen door, staying out of sight.

 

“-not right now.” Mommy’s voice said softly.

 

Tyler groaned. “Mom, I know I hurt her. I know she’s in a bad place. But I’m worried about her.”

 

Mommy sighed. “Me too, baby. But you  _ are _ going to let her take it at her own pace. We’re going to give her as much space as she needs. I'm still worried we pushed her too far, too fast.”

 

“Mom, that’s what she needs.”

 

“Damnit, Tyler,” Mommy growled. “Think with your head and not your dick. She hasn’t touched us in  _ days _ . I know she doesn’t understand-”

 

“Mom, she…” Tyler blew out a frustrated breath. “Look,  _ you’re _ the one that taught me that communication is key. We should at least talk to her, see where her head is at.”

 

I sank down, covering my head and starting to shake. They were fighting. Over me. God, what had I done?

 

“She has an appointment with Donna on Monday,” Mommy said quietly. “We’ll see if that helps.”

 

“Mom, she’s  _ terrified _ of therapists. She needs to walk into that meeting strong and feeling ok, not this...dead, broken thing she’s got going on.”

 

My stomach lurched. They had realized it. Finally, they saw me for what I was. I let out a helpless little grunt and pushed myself to my feet, running for my room. 

 

“Hannah?” I heard Mommy call out. I ignored her, desperate not to have them look at me. I didn’t want to see in their eyes that they knew I was broken, stupid, trash. I was lying to myself, but I wanted to hold onto the dying hope that I could stay just a little longer.  

 

I fought down tears as I pulled off the pretty dress and changed into my proper clothes, khaki shorts and a plain red t-shirt. I kept the panties on, I couldn’t make myself take them off. I crawled into the closet, not wanting to look at my room. Seeing the pretty clothes hurt even worse now that I couldn’t wear them, but once I was wedged into the tight space and had the door closed, I couldn’t see them anymore. I put my head in my hands and tried to breathe. 

 

Ok. Ok, I was going back. There was no way they were going to keep me, they were too smart and good for that. And...and that was…

 

My stomach twisted. God, I didn't want to go back, but it was fair to them. They deserved a good kid, a normal kid. I’d tried to tell Mo...I swallowed. She wouldn’t want me to call her that. I’d tried to tell Mrs. Andersen that she needed to find a normal kid the second time I met her, but she hadn’t understood how bad I was. She’d thought...I guess she’d thought that she could make me better, that she could somehow make me not be useless trash. 

 

A bitter laugh escaped me. I’d told her it was a lost cause, but she’d been so  _ sure _ . Hell, she’d been sure enough that  _ I’d _ believed her. 

 

“Hannah?” I heard her call softly. My heart twisted. Not Hannah. Not anymore. I had to be Mikey again. 

 

“Baby girl?” The voice came from right outside the closet. 

 

The door opened and I stared at her feet, her beautiful- I stabbed that thought and buried it. I wasn’t good enough to touch her. I looked away so I wouldn’t see anymore.

 

A hand came towards me holding my...the phone they’d bought for Hannah. 

 

“Baby, I’m sorry, I was trying to give you space,” she whispered. “I thought...I forgot that even with the app, talking is hard for you. I thought you would talk to us when you were ready.”

 

I shuddered and stared at the phone hungrily, but I had to get used to doing without it sometime. Best start now.

 

“W-W-W-Wh-Wh-Whe-When d-d-d-d-d-do I-I-I-I-I-I-I g-g-g-g-g-go-go-go b-b-b-b-ba-ba-ba-back-back-back?”

 

Mrs. Andersen shuddered. “Never. You are  _ never _ going back.”

 

I grunted. Oh, fuck it, we’d never get anywhere if I used my retard voice. I grabbed the phone. 

 

“Why you don’t want me anymore.”

 

Mrs. Andersen gasped. “Oh my God, baby. Oh my God. Hannah-”

 

“Stop calling me that my name is Mikey.”

 

She shuddered and sat down heavily. “I...please don’t say that, baby, I'm sorry. I fucked up.”

 

I jerked sharply. “Yeah, well, we knew it was a mistake.”

 

Mrs. Andersen was starting to hyperventilate. “What was a mistake?”

 

“Bringing trash like me into your home. Letting me touch you. I told you I was disgusting, now you know it too.”

 

Mrs. Andersen shuddered and...something changed. I glanced at her and found myself trying to wedge deeper into the corner. She was  _ furious. _

 

“Hannah, you will  _ not fucking say those things about yourself _ ,” she snarled. 

 

My hands shook as I typed. “I thought you wanted me to be honest.”

 

Mrs. Andersen gritted her teeth, breathing hard. “Put some proper clothes on and come downstairs.” She stood up and left

 

I stared at Hannah’s phone for a long minute and then sighed. I got up and went downstairs. I stepped into the living room and Mrs. Andersen groaned. 

 

“Hannah.”

 

I winced. “My name is Mikey.”

 

Tyler gasped. 

 

Mrs. Andersen groaned again. “Stop that. Get your ass back up those stairs and put on something you actually want to wear.”

 

I shuddered and glared at her defiantly. She blinked and looked away, and my heart twisted at the pain on her face. Fine. Fine, we’d drag the inevitable out a little longer. They didn’t deserve to be hurt. I sighed and dragged myself back up the stairs. 

 

Five minutes later I was back in the door of the living room wearing my favorite dress, the white one with purple flowers. Tyler breathed a sigh of relief. 

 

“Come here,” she whispered. 

 

I dragged my feet over to the couch and sat down between them. 

 

“Talk, young lady. Tell me what’s happening in that pretty head.”

 

I stared at the phone in my hands. “Why.”

 

Mrs. Andersen sighed. “Because it’s fucking obvious that giving you space was a horrible, horrible plan and you’re twisted up in your head.”

 

I rolled my eyes. “What do you want me to say.”

 

Tyler put an arm around me. “Tell us the truth. Why do you think you’re going back? Why are you telling us to call you the wrong name?”

 

I glanced sideways at Mrs. Andersen. “Your mom told me not to say it.”

 

There was a ringing silence. 

 

“Am...am I not your Mommy anymore?” Mrs. Andersen whispered.

 

I shrugged. “You should get rid of me.”

 

She shuddered. “Well that's never going to fucking happen, so you might as well talk.”

 

Tyler put a hand on her arm. “What’s making you feel this way? Please, Hannah. The truth.”

 

I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. “You don’t want to hear the truth.”

 

I could feel them having one of their silent conversations. Mommy blew out a breath. “Ok. Hannah, you can say whatever you need to. Even if it’s mean things about yourself.”

 

I swallowed and stared at the phone for a moment. “Fine. I'm disgusting, I'm trash, I guess you finally realized it when I hurt Tyler. I told you I was going to hurt him and now you believe me. You should get rid of me and get a normal kid that’s worth having.”

 

Tyler let out a shocked noise. “What happened, Hannah? Is this because I touched you there?”

 

I sighed. “It’s because I hurt you.”

 

He rubbed my shoulders and I shuddered. God, he needed to stop that. It felt nice, I wasn’t supposed to feel nice.

 

He sighed. “Hannah, why do you think you hurt me?”

 

I shuddered again. Fine, fuck it. “You won't touch me. You’re wearing clothes.”

 

Tyler tensed up. “I told you so,” he said tiredly.

 

“Oh, shut up,” Mrs. Andersen said tiredly. “Hannah, we were worried you wouldn’t want to be touched that way after that happened. Tyler’s been wearing clothes so you wouldn’t feel pressured to have sex.”

 

I stared at my phone. “What.”

 

Tyler stood up and pulled his shirt over his head. I started breathing harder, trying not look, but he was just so fucking pretty. He shoved his boxers down and I whimpered as his amazing body was revealed to me again. He stepped forward and oh God, his cock was  _ right there _ . He bent down and took my face in his hands and I had to look at him and  _ fuck _ he was looking at me like I was water and he’d just crossed a desert without a canteen. 

 

He smiled at me gently. “Can I kiss you, Hannah?”

 

I shuddered and looked at...at Mommy.

 

She smiled and stroked my hair. “Up to you, baby girl.”

 

I turned and grabbed him, jerking him down to press our lips together. His tongue slid into my mouth and I moaned. He tasted so good, felt so right and wonderful. His arms slid around me and I whimpered again, clinging to him. 

 

He didn’t hate me. Oh, thank God, he didn’t hate me. I could feel it in his lips, in the warmth of his embrace, in the gentle stroking of his hands. He pulled back from the kiss and I drank in his face as long as I could stand it before closing my eyes and pressing my forehead to his. 

 

Mommy stroked my arm gently and I disengaged from him and looked at her for a moment. “C-C-C-C-Ca-Ca-Can-Can I-I-I-I-I k-k-k-ki-ki-kiss-kiss-”

 

She grabbed me and pulled me in, and i sighed with relief as I felt the same strength of feeling from her. I shuddered as I felt Tyler press up next to me, running his hands over my arm and back. 

 

Mommy pulled back and stroked my face gently. “There’s my girl,” she whispered softly. “I’m sorry we scared you. We thought...well, I guess that doesn’t matter, huh?”

 

I shivered and picked up my phone. I stared at it quietly, hesitating. “Please don’t be mad.”

 

Mommy blinked. “Why would I be mad?”

 

“Promise me.”

 

Mommy nodded. “Of course, baby girl. What’s up?”

 

I stroked her shoulders, trembling as I typed. “I’m trying to be ok, to be better. I’ll try to stop freaking out so much. But please don’t stop touching me. I know I lie sometimes and I shouldn’t and I’ll try not to but please try to trust me enough to talk to me. I know, now, that you were just trying to help me feel safe, but I have been so scared that you hated me.”

 

Mommy shuddered. “I’m so sorry, baby girl,” she murmured, stroking my back. “And thank you for being honest.”

 

I blushed and snuggled into her, feeling my family tucked in around me, safe for the first time in days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why yes, we do have a massive foot fetish.

**Author's Note:**

> To be clear, while i was not sexually abused or abandoned, i was abused and it made me hypersexual from a young age. We have a lot in common with Hannah, and this is half a fantasy, half catharsis imagining what could have been if we'd been rescued by an intimate family. So you can come for me on a lot of the horrific shit i write, but this one's for me.


End file.
